Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Wednesday, December 28, 2005—525 Words---Average reading time: 1-minute, 58 seconds
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Rave: Leroy Vinnegar Sextet
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Almost completely free of original ideas
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Rant: With Imus on vacation, I trolled up and down the TV dial and was appalled at the foul state of the morning shows.
“Fox and Friends” triggered my gag reflex equally as swiftly as does Katie Couric. Both shows offer to OD you on saccharine.
The MSNBC crew is way below average in the absence of Imus.
CBS and ABC have no clue and offer nothing of substance. No one is that cheerful at 7 AM in the real world.
The new morning line-up on CNBC does not get a passing grade from me. Carl Quintanilla lacks the gravitas to lead a two car funeral---let alone a financial discussion with people far more expert in the category than he is. Becky Quick and Joe Kernen are razor sharp.
It sure makes a short day for Mark Haines, who needs to spend more time in makeup.
Even if you are not threatened by a hurricane, blizzard, ice storm, forest fire or tornado, The Weather Channel makes weather intriguing. All the anchors seem to be weather nerds…but are attractive and well spoken. Easily the best of the bunch!
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“Show me a man or woman who cannot stand mysteries and I will show you a fool, a clever fool perhaps, but a fool all the same.”---Raymond Chandler
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One Liners: 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Borrow money from a pessimist---they don’t expect to get it back.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
All generalizations are false.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
I used to be indecisive, but now I am not so sure.
Gravity always gets me down.
Eschew obfuscation.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Rant: The saddest part of the Tookie Williams story was that he lived longer than his victims.
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Rave: Sky writers! Truly a dying breed…I sure do miss watching them.
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Rant: The 2005 winter storm plan: FEMA provides cash and a hotel room. But you have to loot the TV set
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Rave: Turner Classic Movies creates outstanding promo spots for its features. The latest: “See the originals….movies that inspired the remakes” is just terrific. In every case the original is vastly superior to the lame remake.
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Rants on why sports are losing me: Rock music blaring out over the stadiums.
Female boxers.
Fishing on television.
Alternate possession instead of jump balls.
Doris Burke, Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Don Sutton, Rick Sutcliff, Jeff Brantley, Chris Berman.
28 bowl games…56 teams. Come on! How would you like to be there when #52 and #55 play for all the marbles?
World Series played under moonshine instead of sunshine.
Baseball managers being interviewed in the dugout while the game goes on.
Those sideline reporters who stick a microphone in the face of a coach with a question that has no answer.
Basketball players in sagging shorts that look more like laundry sacks
A baseball commissioner who was a car salesman in his other life.
When television sets everybody’s clock, when to kick off, when to tip off, when to throw the first pitch, when to drop the puck and tells the horses when to break from the gate.
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Rant: You know the Apocalypse is getting close when GQ's man of the year is 50 Cent.
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Rave: How good is UConn? Right now they're the second-ranked team in the country, and their star point guard hasn't played yet.
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Rant: I have no desire to see another remake of King Kong, but then I'm not 10.
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Factoid: There are now only three position players on the Red Sox left from the 2004 title team.
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The Curmudgeon as conundrum: While I still get great enjoyment from Christmas music (“Jingle Bell Rock” remains my favorite---even now I remember where I was, when first I heard it)---there is not one Christmas movie I can watch past the opening credits.
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Don’t forget to floss.
That is all.
As you were.

Curmudgeon in the Wry 312

Wednesday, December 8, 2005---507 Words---Average reading time: 1-minute, 52 seconds (time well spent)
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Rave: Stevie Nicks
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Must see TV: #1 Duke vs. #2 Texas this Saturday on CBS…1:30 in Atlanta---12:30 in Birmingham.
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Hmmmm: What were the odds in 1965 that the Rolling Stones would be performing at the 2006 Super Bowl?
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Rant: There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax
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Rave: Joe Lieberman is too good for the Democratic Party.
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Rimshot: If not for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for us all.
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Hmmm: Is there anything more dangerous than the earnestly well-intentioned?
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Fact: I can tell that it will quite some time before I graduate to doing Suddoku puzzles in ink.
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Truism: No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Rave: For my money the best NFL pregame show is Terry Bradshaw’s twenty minutes on Imus in the Morning every Friday.
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Rant: A decade ago, no one knew what a concierge was. Now everyone wants one.
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Truism II: As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in public schools.
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Hmmmm: Is it bad luck to be superstitious?
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Rimshot: If a corrupt politician used ill-gotten gains to purchase fine window treatments, would they be called “The Drapes of Graft”?
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Truism III: The early bird may get the worm, but it is the second mouse that gets the cheese.
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Factoid: The SR-71 Blackbird stealthy looking matte black plane is the fastest plane in the world. It made it from LA to Washington, DC in 1 hour, 4 minutes and 20 second---quicker that it takes to get through airport security nowadays. And, it was built in 1964!
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Rant: Good & Plenty now comes in a bag. You cannot shake a bag and make “Choo-Choo Charlie” noises.
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The big question: Will Mayor Ray Nagin sell his house in Dallas (that he bought the week after Hurricane Katrina) and move his family back to New Orleans?
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Quote: "In major-college basketball, nine out of 10 schools break the rules. The other one is in last place."-- Jerry Tarkanian
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Hmmm: How come TV reporters have to tell you they are reporting “live”?
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Truism IV: To-do lists are good only if they induce guilt. If those uncompleted tasks fail to make you feel worthless, you will never get them completed.
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Rave: Things not worth economizing on: toilet paper, Kleenex, fresh fruit and chocolate.
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Rant: Most of the 50-year-old Warner Bros. cartoons are funnier than most of the new alleged comedies on TV this season.
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Rave: Google Earth is neat. However watching the satellite zoom in from space can make you dizzy enough to fall off the computer chair you have been sitting on for far too long.
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Hmmmm: How come leaves are attracted to gutters?
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.