Friday, December 28, 2007

Curmudgeon in the Wry 377

Friday, December 28, 2007---566 Words---Average reading time: 1-minute, 57 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: Dick Powell.
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On the Hi Fi: Oscar Peterson and Dizzy Gillespie in London, 1974.
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Reading: “Where the Truth Lies” by Rupert Holmes.
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Quote: “Santa Claus is real. We’re not!”—Dennis Miller.
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Rave: There are countless hilarious laugh-til-you-hurt moments on the Dennis Miller Radio Show. In addition, it is chock full of witty, acerbic, and intelligent political and pop culture discourse.
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Rant: Tattoos are hideous.
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Didjaknow: The funny bone is neither. It is the ulna nerve, made famous in song and story by Jim Palmer, number 22 in your program and #1 in my mind.
Spanish moss is neither.
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Rave: Starting on January 13th CBS will broadcast the six-hour miniseries “Comanche Moon.”
It is based on Larry McMurtry’s prequel to “Lonesome Dove” with a wonderful cast featuring Val Kilmer.
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Bumper Sticker of the Week: To err is human, to forgive divine. Neither is Marine Corps policy.
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Rave: The year-end feature “TCM Remembers” is wonderful (as usual). The clips are terrific and the choreography with the music is astounding.
When you watch the clip, it is easy to see why Harold Robbins referred to Hollywood as “The Dream Merchants.”
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Truism: Hard as I try, it still takes me 45 minutes to swim a half hour.
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Just asking: Don’t you wish you had invented the refrigerator magnet?
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Quote: “Political Correctness…the art of camouflaging truth to protect the psyches of the silly.”
-Kathleen Parker
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Good travel tips: “In the airport security line, a dozen businessmen will move thru security much faster than two families with kids or a group of senior citizens. One baby carriage equals four typical passengers.”---Frank Luntz in Business Week.
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From the Mark Steyn archive: Viagraccino is the latest Starbucks flavor of the day. One cup and you will be up all night. The US has more women with breast implants than any other country. Also more women happy to tell you they have implants. Mark’s conclusion---a society where artificially aroused men pursue artificially enhanced women.
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A No Charge Tip: It is far easier to back into a parking place, than to back out of one. That is why cops always back in. Barney Fife was the only cop who failed to back in.
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Another Truism: A man’s dog should never be smaller than his briefcase.
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Rave: The 1992 series, “The Real West” currently shown on The History Channel is top drawer…made even better by the voice over work by Kenny Rogers. His voice is absolutely perfect and adds a lot to the series.
The clips, old photos and artwork are a real treat. This one hits on all cylinders.
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Rant: Most women who wear Capri pants shouldn’t…same thing for men in bicycle pants.
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Yet another truism: There is no such thing as a single call to a government agency.
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Quote: “I’m just like everybody else. I want to be a nonconformist too.”---Lenny Bruce.
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Factoid: Ernest Hemingway and William Faulkner are the only two American authors to win both the Nobel and Pulitzer Prizes.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Curmudgeon in the Wry 376

Tuesday, December 18, 2007---521 Words---Average reading time: 1-minute, 42 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: Brit Hume
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On the Hi Fi: Michael Bublé, Self-Titled.
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Reading: “Luck Be a Lady, Don’t Die”—the second wonderful Rat Pack novel by Robert Randisi.
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Must see TV: Basketball--Thursday, December 20 at 7 PM, #7 Duke and #9 Pitt at Madison Square Garden (ESPN). Saturday, December 22nd at noon, #4 Georgetown at #2 Memphis on ESPN. At 6:30 #5 Texas at #10 Michigan State on espn2.
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Quote: “A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.”-- G Gordon Liddy
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Smooth move: Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl says he is installing more zone defense to prepare for next season's extension of the college three-point line.
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This Just In: News you can’t use---The new AMERICAN GLADIATORS have just been announced. They are Fury, Helga, Justice, Mayhem, Militia, Stealth, Titan, Tor, Venom, Wolf, Crush, Siren, and Sanjaya.
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Rave: I, for one, like the new Georgetown home white basketball uniforms. Always thought the home grays were pretty dull. And, while it is early and I will change my mind many times; right now Georgetown is my pick to win the NCAA Championship come that first weekend in April.
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Rant: From the department of double standards. College coaches can switch colleges and begin coaching and recruiting immediately after the press conference, if not sooner. However, when a student athlete transfers he/she must sit out a season. There is something intrinsically iniquitous about that. A great injustice to the student athlete.
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A couple of quotes: “The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half inch eraser---in case you thought optimism was dead.”—Robert Brault.
“An optimist is someone who thinks the future is uncertain.”—Anon.
“An optimist is one who believes marriage is a gamble.”—Laurence J. Peters.
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Rave: The UPS “white board” TV ad campaign.
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Rant: During his press conference on Thursday, December 13th, Bud Selig looked so clueless; one could almost feel sorry for him. However, he has been a do-nothing de facto head of baseball from day one…so having any sympathy for him means the terrorists have won. You put a used car salesman in charge of MLB---you get what you deserve.
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Rave: Why was I not surprised by any of those named in the Mitchell steroid report?
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Truism: Jose Canseco was not lying when he wrote his book. I do not want to glorify the guy, but he did a lot more than Bud Selig to raise awareness of steroids in baseball.
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Rant: Memo to the Milwaukee Brewers----Eric Gagne is not he answer, no matter what the question is.
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Rave: Among my favorite things that make their appearance at Christmas: Pfeffernüsse, marzipan, eggnog, the Starbucks cranberry bliss bar.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Curmudgeon in the Wry 375

Wednesday, December 12, 2007---654 Words---Average reading time: 2-minutes, 42 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: Laura Ingraham
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On the Hi Fi: Miles Davis, “The Jazz Biography.”
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Reading: “Stripped” by Brian Freeman.
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Didjaknow: That between 1853 and 1870, Charles Dickens gave more than 400 readings across the US and Europe. The first author book tour!
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Rave: I am looking forward to the movie version of James Lee Burke’s “In the Electric with Confederate Dead.” Tommy Lee Jones will play Detective Dave Robicheaux.
Levon Helm, Ned Beatty and John Goodman are in the cast as well.
Coming in 2008.
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Rave: The Frank Sinatra postage stamp coming this spring. Ring a ding ding!
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My two cents: If you believe one word that comes out of the mouth of Barry Bonds, be certain to schedule the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus for a Christmas visit. Oh yes, Bonds was against the war before he was for it.
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Rave: Even with my inferior eyesight, there is a huge difference with HD TV---especially when watching Duke Basketball.
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Rant: Drivers who pull into the right lane when the sign says-“right lane ends” and then expect to be let right back in ahead of you. No way do I ever let them in.
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Rave: Bombing at the box office are the latest round of anti-patriotic movies (“Lions for Lambs,” “Rendition” and “In the Valley of Elah”) so happily touted by the Hollywood elite.
I, myself am hopeful these same Hollywood elites have misjudged the wishes of the American voter with their support of left wing candidates.
If they missed the mark in their area of expertise, there is reason to be encouraged that they are just as far off base in their political picks.
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In the true spirit of Christmas: When you bump into a cop, soldier, marine, EMT or other first responder be certain to thank them for all they do to keep you out of harm’s way.
Never forget: you run from danger, they run to danger and the ACLU causes danger.
These are the folks that keep you safe, not left wing organizations like the ACLU.
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Rant: The use of “X” as a substitute for Christ in Christmas is just a repulsive display of slothful behavior. How can any thinking person be this lazy? Inexcusable.
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Quote: In the wake of Steelers safety Anthony Smith's "guarantee" that Pittsburgh will beat the undefeated Patriots, quarterback Tom Brady replied: "Well done is always better than well said." Cool, isn't he.
Anthony Smith is just another sports nitwit saying something stupid, nothing more.
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Rant: The ’72 Dolphins should worry less about the Pats and more about the fact the franchise has become a scorched earth zone
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Quote: “There's nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”---Anon.
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Rave: The “Pinheads and Patriots” feature on Bill O’Reilly’s Factor.
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Rave: You have to love Wagner basketball coach Mike Deane, who wears a seat belt to keep him on the bench.
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Truism: The new Hell is a rappers’ oldies show.
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Rant: Unveiling its new logos, updated versions of "W&M," the College of William and Mary is moving forward after a contentious episode with the NCAA that still burns me up, and I didn't even attend the school. Whoever ruled that the old logo - two green-and-gold feathers - was "hostile and abusive" to Indians obviously isn't smart enough to attend W&M.
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Just checking: Everybody understands, right, that every bowl game but one is an exhibition.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Curmudgeon in the Wry 374

Friday, December 07, 2007---609 Words---Average reading time: 2-minutes, 2 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: Glenn Beck
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On the Hi Fi: Cannot get Dean Martin’s “Forever Cool” off the turntable. Just lotsa fun listening.
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Reading: “Stripped” by Brian Freeman.
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Rant: Forwarded messages!!! Whenever I see a “Fwd” or “Fw” in the subject line of my inbox, I delete it immediately.
Forwarding a message without cleaning it up and eliminating the “>” symbols is not just the height of sloth and laziness---it is an insult to those you are sending it along to.
The least you could do is fake sincerity and erase the “Fwd” or “Fw” notation before hitting the send icon.
If you wish to leave the apathetic category, you could go to http://www.mistered.us/stripper/index.shtml and clean up the message.
Mister Ed is a great site that enables you to send out a message in a presentable format.
You use spell check to appear smarter than you are…add Mister Ed to your repertoire and be seen as even brainier.
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Quote: Paraphrasing Shelby Steele on Laura Ingraham’s 12/5/007 show---“Sharpton and Jackson make Barack Obama look good.”
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Pop quiz: Name last year's Heisman Trophy winner.
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Trust me: Men do not want gifts they have to assemble.
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Rant: Sean Taylor’s funeral: proof again that Jesse Jackson will go anywhere there is a camera. What in the world was that moron doing there?
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Rave: I am looking forward to: “Charlie Wilson’s War” starring Tom Hanks and Philip Seymour Hoffman and upcoming books by Robert Randisi (12/10). Michael McGarrity (12/27), John Grisham (1/29), G.M. Ford {2/1}, T. Jefferson Parker (2/5), James W. Hall [2/5], James O. Born [2/14], Laura Lippman [3/1].
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Major league rave: The first day’s guest list on the return of Imus in the Morning: Doris Kearns Goodwin, John McCain, James Carville, Mary Matalin, Chris Dodd and Levon Helm---Mike Huckabee on day two. Loyalty is a wonderful thing. Sure gives McCain and Huckabee a leg up on getting my vote.
Loyalty goes both ways as Charles McCord, Lou Ruffino, Rob Bartlett and my particular favorite, Bernard McGuirk all return as part of team Imus.
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Rant: Global warming activist are the new Scientologists.
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Hmmm: Is it true that from now on, road tests to get a driver’s license will be conducted with the driver talking on a cell phone?
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Factoid: Lefty Driesell is the only college basketball coach to win 100 games at four schools.
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Rant: Idiots in the checkout line, who wait until the cashier finishes totaling the purchases before digging through her purse for her credit card, checkbook or ID. And this is in the “10 items or less” lane.
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Duh!: Subprime means high risk. Why is everyone so surprised?
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Rant: Why do viewers watch people on a reality TV show that they would not sit next to in a bar?
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Truism: After losing 33 of their last 34 games, Duke has an opening for a new head football coach.
Somebody will take that coaching job and, when he does, he should be named the Optimist Club Man of the Year.
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Truism: The surprising thing is not that Evel Knievel died recently. The surprising thing is he made it to 69 years old
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Truism: Hillary Clinton is Nurse Ratchet’s evil twin.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.