Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wednesday, May 21, 2008---537 Words---Average reading time: 2-minutes, 15 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Cynicism is my beat.
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Rave: Barbara Stanwyck.
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On the Hi Fi: “De Lovely” Soundtrack.
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Reading: “Hollywood Crows” by Joseph Wambaugh.
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Decision 2008: Stevie or Christine
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Must see TV: “Burn Notice” returns on the USA Network at 10 PM on July 10 (Thursday). It is a tightly written comedy-drama about a fired (“burned”) spy who ends up in Miami Beach. Great cast and second banana Bruce Campbell steals lotsa scenes. Better than anything on network TV.
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Rave: To Charles Barkley, I say---don’t go changin’. He is one of a kind.
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Useless factoid: Today’s average bra size in 36C---ten years ago, it was 34B.
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Quote: “A great Democratic secretary of state, Dean Acheson, once warned ‘no people in history have ever survived, who thought they could protect their freedom by making themselves inoffensive to their enemies.’ This is a lesson that today's Democratic Party leaders need to relearn.” ---Joe Lieberman
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Anatomy lesson: Obama has the backbone of a banana.
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Didjaknow: The Bible is both the best selling and most shop lifted book.
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Rant: When some fool says, “it is what it is”---don’t you think the appropriate reply should be, “well, what is it?”
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Rave: The duet with Sinatra and Ella in the 1967 TV special, “Frank Sinatra, A Man and His Music + Ella + Jobim” is about as good as music gets. It will be a long time before another duet reaches that height. Kudos to TCM for treating us to it last Sunday.
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Another useless factoid: A 2x4 is actually 1 ½ x 3 ½.
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Quote II: “The least surprising aspect of the lumbering production (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) is its abuse of computer-generated images -- what were generally called special effects until they stopped being special. Even in that department, though, the banality is striking.” —Joe Morgenstern, Wall Street Journal Film Reviewer.
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Appeasement: Call me un-American, but the needle on my interest gauge never moved for the new Indy flick---even before reading Mr. Morgenstern’s critique.
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Hmmm: Is it only me, or does it seems like the media people’s favorite subject is media people?
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Ho-Hum: It sure is difficult to get electrified about the NBA playoffs when the final three minutes of a game consume half an hour. In addition, why do the announcers wear you out with, “you are not going to get that call on the road?”
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Quote: “As they say about soccer: why do so many American kids play it? Because then they won’t have to watch it.” —Frank Deford.
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Hmmm: Why is the driver’s side windshield wiper always the first one to go bad?
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A final useless factoid: Each king in a deck of card represents a great king from history. David for spades, Alexander the Great for clubs, Charlemagne for hearts and Caesar for diamonds.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.
We return you to your regular programming

Monday, May 19, 2008

Monday, May 19, 2008---616 Words---Average reading time: 2-minutes, 15 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Cynicism is my beat.
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Rave: Peter Lorre
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On the Hi Fi: “It’s De Lovely, the Authentic Cole Porter Collection” on the Bluebird Label.
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Reading: “Hollywood Crows” by Joseph Wambaugh.
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Decision 2008: Stevie or Christine
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Rave: If the opening credits tell me it is an RKO Radio Picture, I am usually there until the end.
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Quote: “Why do they (TV golf announcers) say: ‘That’s a great golf shot?’ What did we think it was? A basketball shot? With all due respect, you dimwits with the microphone, we’re watching golf.” —Frank Deford.
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Rant: Crying children in a restaurant are like good intentions...they should be carried out immediately.
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Hmmm: Why is it that some people can walk around a store for hours with a shopping cart, but when they get out to their car, they cannot walk ten feet to put the cart away?
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Quote II: “If you have to have a policy manual, publish the Ten Commandments.” ---Robert Townsend.
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Rave: The Sinatra commemorative stamp just issued by the Post Office is terrific. The stamp uses the same picture as the recently released CD---looks to me like it is from the “Pal Joey” period. Ring-a-ding-ding!
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My-oh-my: Sometimes President Bush does something that makes me remember why I liked him. He has come out against
appeasement and in the process has sent the Democrat Party into convulsions of incoherent rage
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Why-oh-why: We used to cal them used cars…now they are merely pre-owned. Huh?
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Truism: There are thousands of books to get to before Tonya Harding’s new one. Like Jose, she should have been required to have read a book before writing one.
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Rant: The reason the Democratic Party is so focused on getting an Obama win is that they want somebody to finish Jimmy Carter's second term.
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Rave: Turner Classic Movies has been having a Saturday morning double feature this month with movies from “The Saint” series. They are most entertaining. The plots make you think and George Sanders is spectacular.
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Truism: People who use cell phones in public places have relinquished their right to privacy.
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Hmmm: If you are surprised with the allegations that O.J.Mayo had been given money both in high school and at USC, you probably still believe in the Easter Bunny too.
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Quote III: “Basketball is the money-maker at far more schools than football, regardless of what you hear from the football apologists.” —John Feinstein, Washington Post.
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Why Not?: Here is an idea for getting rid of all those annoying magazine postage-paid, return-address inserts urging you to subscribe. Return these one by one. Fill them in with fictitious names (Chico Marx, Harpo Marx, and Groucho Marx come to mind) and real addresses (probably of stores, banks, and lawyers' offices) – and send them back to the magazine. Check the "Bill me later" box. Since they automate everything, they will start sending out magazines to all these fictitious people and will be trying to bill stores, banks, and lawyers' offices for subscriptions they did not order.
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Court manners: I find myself warmed by the
California Supreme Court decision on gay marriage for two reasons. One, gay marriage is not a dealer breaker for me. Two, I'm in favor of social conservatives being annoyed enough to turn out to vote for conservative candidates
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.
We return you to your regular programming

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Curmudgeon in the Wry 389



Wednesday, May 14, 2008---548 Words---Average reading time: 2-minutes, 05 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Cynicism is my beat.
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Rave: Lizabeth Scott
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On the Hi Fi: “I’ll Be Seeing You”---Tommy Dorsey and Frank Sinatra.
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Reading: “Hollywood Crows” by Joseph Wambaugh.
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Decision 2008: Annette or Darlene?
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Rant: Jose Canseco recently divulged a heretofore-unknown effect of steroid use---thinking that you are the next Hemingway, as he says that he is starting to write a novel. I still believe he should have to prove he has read one first.
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Truism: There is no such thing as a good comb-over---or a short sleeve dress shirt.
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Hmmm: Joe Montana is suing his first ex-wife for selling his high school ID card, a love note, and ... no, I tried to care, but I just couldn't
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Laugh of the day: Am I the only one who sees the delicious incongruity of Bill Clinton giving a stump speech at the end of March in Morehead, Kentucky? You cannot make up stuff this good.
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Time out: The noted athletic powerhouse Alabama State is being charged with 668 institutional violations, after an investigation that stopped in 2003. Moreover, the NCAA attorney said it could have been 1,670:
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Face it: Hey guys---if people can tell it is a rug…it is not a good one…and it is not fooling anyone.
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Drive time: An Australian driver, road-raged by a pack of 60 cyclists, including several training to make that country's Olympic team, accelerated ahead of the pack and then slammed on his brakes.
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Rave: The Sergio Mendez and Brazil 66 version of “Fool On the Hill” is easily my favorite adaptation of that Beatles song.
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Irony of ironies: So, finally Clinton tells the truth (Obama gets the black voters, while she gets the white vote). No brag, just fact. Now, the same liberal media and liberal members of her party (who indulged and championed her lies for decades) decide to vilify her. The damsel in the pants suit is crucified for telling the truth that is not supposed to be told.
Moreover, the media is quick to point out that that support is “non-college educated white voters.”
That begs the question: what percentage of the 92% black majority that Obama gets, parlayed their Mensa IQs into a college education?
Between the two of them---their voters cannot be confused with the best and the brightest.

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Department of Redundancy Department: Totally destroyed, a smile on his face, IRA Account, close proximity, past history, same exact.
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Truism: The best two hours of sleep start exactly one hour before the alarm goes off.
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Pop quiz: A tree has one blossom on it at the beginning of June. The blossoms double in area every 24 hours. It takes a month for the tree to be covered completely. On what date will the tree be half covered?
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Advice: Don’t worry about being wrong, but try to avoid being wrong at the top of your lungs.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.
We return you to your regular programming


Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Curmudgeon in the Wry 388

Wednesday, May 07, 2008---507 Words---Average reading time: 1-minute, 38 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: Dan Duryea
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On the Hi Fi: “Sinatra Reprise, the Very Good Years”
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Reading: “The Shooters” by W.E.B. Griffin.
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Decision 2008: Mary or Rhoda?
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Rant: Isn’t it amazing to watch Clinton and Obama, two wealthy, liberal, powerful U.S. senators with Ivy League backgrounds, trying to out-regular-guy each other?
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Didjaknow: “Leave It to Beaver” debuted the same day that Sputnik was launched.
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Factoid: "Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
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Rant: Every time Jimmy Carter opens his mouth, I’d like to put my foot in it. Alas, he always beats me to it.
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Wow: It sure is a good thing Obama got that silver spoon out of his mouth when he decided to run for president.
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Hmmm: Next thing you, we will find out Roger Clemens had sex with Barbara Walters.
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Useless Factoid: The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.
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Didjaknow: Windmills always turn counter-clockwise.
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My-oh-my: Just when you thought no politician could be more self-absorbed than Bubba Clinton, we are given Obama. Just when we thought there could be no more disingenuous candidate that Clinton, we are given Obama.
I am more convinced than ever that Obama hides his own Easter eggs.
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Another useless factoid: A left-handed person finds it easier to open a jar than a right-handed person because they can supply a stronger anticlockwise turning force than a right-handed person. However, a right-handed person will find it easier to tighten the jar up afterwards.
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Rave: Tyler Hansbrough returning to UNC for his senior year, has a shot to win back-to-back National Player of the Year awards. With the rush of college basketball players to go pro, a two-time Player of the Year is harder to find than a Rhoades Scholar.
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Future watch: When the NFL opens up this fall, would you rather have your team open against the Super Bowl winner or the Super Bowl losing Patriots?
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Rave: Watching Manny Ramirez at bat is must see TV. Manny with a bat in his hands is the best show in baseball.
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Truism: Baseball played in the cold goes against the natural order of things.
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Democratic Primary: Deception keeps you watching.
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Count on it: There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
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Rave: The music in “The Great Escape” is as good as that in any movie ever made…especially the theme played over the opening credits.
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Hmmm: Every time Clinton says that you have a choice when it comes to picking a pastor, don’t you want to say, “What about husbands?”
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.
We return you to your regular programming