Saturday, January 24, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 421

Saturday, January 24, 2009---531 Words---Average Reading Time: 1 Minute, 59 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: The Chordettes
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Reading: Andrew Klavan’s “Empire of Lies.”
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On the Hi Fi: Lee Ann Womack’s “Call Me Crazy.”
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Under rated: Harry Morgan.
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Must See TV: #2 Duke at #1 Wake Forest on Wednesday, January 28th at 7 PM on ESPN
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Rant: What idiot decided several years ago that spectators at almost all major league, minor league and college sporting events should be assaulted by ear-splitting music and sound effects? What is it about silence that some people fear?
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Rave: “Burn Notice’s” return for season three is a treat.
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Truism: The 330.54 drop in the Dow Jones Industrial average on January 20th, 2009 was biggest inaugural day decline in 133 years,
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Rave: God bless North Carolina State Woman’s Basketball coach Kay Yow…she personified courage, excellence and inspiration. RIP.
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Just asking: Is it okay if I delay paying my taxes until I am nominated to be Secretary of the Treasury?
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Didjaknow: The last college basketball team ranked #1 at the end of the season to win the national championship: the 2000-2001 Duke Blue Devils.
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Freak show: Whom were you supposed to cheer for in the Jose Canseco-Danny Bonaduce pay-per-view fight?
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Rave: Michael Steele. My choice to head the Republican National Committee.
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Rant: Do all NBA teams have a tattoo artist on staff?
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Here’s a thought: When it comes to stimulating the economy, what better way to inject money than not taking it out to begin with. Lower my taxes!
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Truism II: I cannot pinpoint the time where CNBC’s Jim Cramer jumped the shark, but I know he has.
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Pop Culture revived: AMC has archived all episodes of the exquisite 1967 show, “The Prisoner.” I forgot just how bizarre and eccentric it is. It is inspired and has lotsa Fellini touches. The shows can be viewed at:
http://www.amctv.com/videos/the-prisoner-1960s-video/
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Quote: “Any new government program, agency or entitlement will always outgrow whatever narrow purpose it was created for. That is why small government types are wary of creating them in the first place.” ---Rich Lowry
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By the way: It is not the job of the government to help the downtrodden. That is why we have charities and they do a much better job at getting help out than government.
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Rave: Love the Glenn Beck Show on Fox News. Far better production values than he had while on the Communist News Network Headline News
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Better late: Great to see President Bush commute the sentences of the patriotic border agents Compean and Ramos.
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Bumper sticker of the week: “Question O-thority.”
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Rave: It is wonderful to have the return of “Friday Night Lights.” Casting, writing, acting---all first rate. The fact that it is on NBC proves the axiom that “even a blind squirrel can find an acorn.”
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Programming idea: The inaugural poet’s awful performance is prime material for Saturday Night Live.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 420

1-18-2009---516 Words---Average Reading Time: 1 Minute, 51 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: Richard Basehart.
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Reading: Andrew Klavan’s “Empire of Lies.”
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On the Hi Fi: “Dick Hyman Plays the Great American Songbook.”
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Under rated: Bob Cummings.
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Must See TV: Monday night…7 PM…espn2…#1 U-Conn at #2 UNC in NCAA Women’s Basketball---Go Huskies!
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Don’t forget: “Burn Notice” returns on Thursday, January 22nd on the USA Network.
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Truism: You would not want to be Roger Clemens in 2009.
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Rant: The Hillary hearings on Capitol Hill were nothing more than a group hug.
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Truism II: You will know the economy is truly awful when the cost of professional sports’ tickets start to decrease.
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Quote: "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” --Fred Allen
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State’s rights: Should the Eagles and Steelers face one another in the Super Bowl; it will be third time that teams from the same state have faced each other in the championship game.
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Hmmm: I have never understood the term “crash landing.” Either you land or you crash.
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Along the same line: When communicating, one can never be “over and out.” Either you are turning the conversation over to the other person---or you are signing off.
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Pop Quiz: Do you know the difference between “imply” and “infer?”
+++++++Rant: You’ve gotta love MLB’s Bud Selig. Now he says he favors earlier start times for World Series games. Earth to Bud---you are about twenty years late.
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Irony: Unions want "card check," an edict that would deprive workers of the ability to vote privately (eliminate the secret ballot) in workplace unionization elections -- a vital worker protection that dates back to the Taft-Hartley Act of 1947. Ironically, to decertify a union, labor leaders insist on holding private-ballot elections to protect workers from employer intimidation. Just another liberal double standard.
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Rant: I always had my doubts about PETA but wanting us to refer to fish as "sea kittens" removes all doubt. Call them "sea children" if you want but that won't stop me from devouring them by the plateful.
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Pop Quiz Answer: Only a speaker can imply. Only a listener can infer
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Another truism: The best two hours of sleep start exactly one hour before the alarm goes off.
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Excerpt: From a recent Wall Street Journal editorial—“Let's have an amnesty -- with penalties waived, as they were for Mr. Geithner -- for all those Americans who somehow "forgot" to pay their taxes but are now willing to fess up or are audited. If forgiveness is to be the order of the day for the man who may soon be responsible for the IRS, American taxpayers deserve a similar reprieve.”
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Tis True: The other line always moves faster.
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Good advice: Consider the hassle to enjoyment ratio before going away for the weekend.
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If you can read this, thanks a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 419

Saturday, January 10, 2009--509 Words---Average reading time: 1-minutes, 44 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
A Life in the Slow Lane production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Cynicism is my beat.
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Rave: Jean Harlow.
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On the Hi Fi: “Knowing You” by John Pizzarelli.
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Reading: Stephen Hunter’s excellent “Night of Thunder.”
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Under rated: Chester Morris.
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Must see TV: “Burn Notice” returns to the USA Network on Thursday, January 22nd. “Psych” returns the next day…same network.
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Rave: The stunt work and horsemanship in the 1937 Republic Pictures’ serial, “Zorro Rides Again” is the equal of any you see today. Now, the miniatures are a bit cheesy.
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Listening Pleasure: “Stars in Alabama” by Jamey Johnson.
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Free Advice: Put your blue socks on the opposite side of the drawer from your black socks.
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Hmmm: The difference between eating and dining is about a hundred bucks.
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Full disclosure: I never “got” Lucy, Red Skelton, The Three Stooges or The
Marx Brothers. However, I loved Groucho on the 1950’s TV Quiz show, “You Bet Your Life.”
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Rave: It is amazing how well “The Rockford Files” holds up. James Garner is a man for all seasons.
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Question: So does anyone actually buy anything that Billy Mays is selling?
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Rant: Harry Reid is a troll.
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Rave: By a landslide, Fox News has the best-looking news bunnies…why do you think they call it Fox News.
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American History: The renaming of the AFL's Dallas Texans to the present Kansas City Chiefs had nothing to do with Indians. In May 1963, Texans owner Lamar Hunt struck the deal with Kansas City Mayor Harold Bartle, known as "The Chief" with the final piece of the agreement being the team be renamed after him.
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Quote: “Congress could take 30 days to make instant coffee.” —Anon.
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Stats: Davidson’s Stephen Curry is on a pace to become only the ninth college basketball player to score 3,000 points---if he returns for his senior year. That is a pretty exclusive club. The leader (most likely who will never be passed) is Pete Maravich with 3,667---and he did it in three seasons without the three point shot.
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Rave: The first AFL player inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame was San Diego WR Lance Alworth who once caught a pass in a record 96 consecutive games
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Truism: The next episode of “24” I watch, will be my first.
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Irony: The Troubled Asset Relief Program, a boondoggle if ever there was one, gave our dough to GM, GMAC and Chrysler in order to produce more troubled assets.
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Memo to Brett Favre: If you do actually retire this time, no more news conferences. Just do it.
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Truism: The better the player you are in the NBA, the more steps you can take to the basket.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.
We return you to your regular programming

Friday, January 09, 2009

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 418

Sunday, January 04, 2009---685 Words---Average reading time: 2-minutes, 39 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
A Life in the Slow Lane production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Cynicism is my beat.
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Rave: Burt Lancaster
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On the Hi Fi: “In Love” by Dinah Washington.
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Reading: “Big City, Bad Blood” by Sean Chercover.
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Under rated: Henry Silva
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Must see TV: “Burn Notice” returns to the USA Network on Thursday, January 22nd. “Psych” returns the next day…same network.
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Hmmm: Publicly, the Jets have said they hope Brett Favre returns. My guess is that the other three teams in the AFC East also want him to return.
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Rant: One of the objectives obama desires is to build the scope of broadband to reach everyone in the USA---certainly a noble goal. However, management (The Telecommunication Industry Association) wants massive tax breaks and $25 billion in grants; while labor (The Communications Workers of America) covets enormous tax breaks and larger deductions.
That is a far cry from “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”
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Enough already: During basketball games, TV broadcasters are complementing players for having an excellent "skill set." It is easier to say that a player has good skills. Tennis comes in sets; skills do not. We keep using more words to say less. It is just as grating to me as the use of “issues”---magazines and newspapers have issues, not people.
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Department of redundancy department: Exact replica, totally complete, VHS System, young adolescent, core essentials.
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My take: Members of Congress should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers, so we know who their lobbyist sponsors are. Those on the left side of the aisle would be festooned with logos from the teachers’ union and environmental extremists.
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Truism: The bowl games are like politicians — the fewer there are the better it is.
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Ever wonder: Why your computer keyboard has no “save” key?
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Rant: It is fascinating to see that the politicians whose interventions in mortgage lending created a disaster in financial institution are now moving on to intervene and interfere with the auto industry.
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Didjaknow: Irving Berlin could play the piano in only one key.
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Just asking: Do you think the Lions could have won the Orange Bowl?
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Truism II: Kurt Vonnegut, who once said your whole life is like junior high school, was certainly prescient---especially since he didn’t live long enough to see adults on Facebook.
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Hmmm: How do suppose all those who use the nauseatingly ubiquitous “happy holidays” refer to Christmas Eve?
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Irony: When members of a submarine crew are served submarine sandwiches for lunch.
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Rant: The number of Ivy League degrees held by obama’s advisors impresses people. Let us not forget how many Ivy League degrees mismanaged the Vietnam War. Ivy League degrees mismanaged economic policy during the Great Depression as well.
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Free advice: Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
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Quote: “2008, a year in which trillion dollar improvisations that will debase the dollar have been bracketed by a stimulus that did not stimulate and a rescue that will prolong automakers’ drownings.” —George Will.
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Rant: Just when you thought the University of Miami’s colors were orange, white and green, they came out the other day against St. John’s wearing black uniforms with orange trim. Go figure!
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Hmmm: Apart from the known and the unknown, what else is there?
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Truism III: Wal-Mart has done more for poor people than any ten liberals have.
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You know it’s true: No two things are as inseparable as the two umbrellas you bought---one for the home and one for the office.
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Rant: If you did not know that Governor Blagojevich was a Democrat, you are unlikely to find out from the mainstream media…the same media that made certain you knew Alaska Senator Ted Stevens was a Republican.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.
We return you to your regular programming

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 417

Thursday, January 01, 2009---657 Words---Average reading time: 2-minutes, 27 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
A Life in the Slow Lane production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Cynicism is my beat.
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Rave: Bonita Granville.
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On the Hi Fi: Anita O’Day’s CD on the Cocktail Hour Label.
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Reading: “Big City, Bad Blood” by Sean Chercover.
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Under rated: Marshall Crenshaw.
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Must see TV: “Burn Notice” returns to the USA Network on Thursday, January 22nd. “Psych” returns the next day…same network.
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Rave: espn2’s presentation of high quality college basketball from noon to midnight on New Year’s Eve.
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Rave: In addition to the food, my favorite thing about local Italian restaurants is all the wonderful music by Frank and Dean they supply whilst one eats.
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Quote: This is greatest quote I have ever heard about College Football Bowl Games. “It’s a big deal when you win a bowl. Unless you lose a bowl, then it doesn’t matter at all.” ---Dwight Jaynes.
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Rant: Government can bail them out all they want. I will never buy another car made by the UAW.
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Stats: The Baltimore Colt with the most All-Pro selections (9)? Gino Marchetti!
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More Colts: The Baltimore Colts were the first NFL team to have organized cheerleaders…way before the Dallas Cowboys became a team. They were the third NFL team to wear the club logo on the helmet.
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So long: I will miss Brit Hume anchoring the nightly Fox News “Special Report.” He was equally at home as a reporter or as a panelist on “Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace.” Commentator or reporter he projected a dry wit, acute insight, delight and enthusiasm for the events of the day. With his rakish grin and a twinkle in his eye, he gave us the news---poised, unafraid, and unashamed---a steady hand on the tiller.
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Rant: This season I notice more college basketball teams wearing home uniforms other than the traditional “home-whites.” I cannot recall one of alternative uniforms that looks nearly as snappy as the home-whites.
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More Stats: In 1943, Washington Redskins QB Sammy Baugh led the NFL in passing, punting (45.9) as well as interceptions (11).
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Truism: It has not been the same for Tom Cruise since he jumped up and down on Oprah’s couch.
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Rave: It is not only the incredible cast, high quality acting and special effects, all based on a spectacular Alistair MacLean novel that make “The Guns of Navarone” a terrifically entertaining movie. The narration at the start, the music, and maps that mark the daily progress are details that augment the excellence of the film.
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My take: Black olives add nothing to a salad or pizza…also; green olives are to be avoided.
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Didjaknow: The Rams are the only NFL franchise to have won a title in three different cities: Cleveland (1945), Los Angeles (1979), and St. Louis (1999 & 2001).
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Truism II: I would go to a lot of places before I would go to a mall the day after Christmas.
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Rant: Yes, he is a great basketball player. However, LeBron James should just shut up, play for the Cleveland Cavaliers, and stop talking about where he might play in 2010.
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Hmmm: The Jim Carrey phenomenon continues to elude me.
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Rant: Let’s hope that this year we will be free of Brett Favre’s annual Hamlet imitation.
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Ooops: It seems like only one month ago the New York papers were talking about a Giants-Jets Super Bowl.
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Just Pathetic: Oprah says Sarah Palin 'snubbed' her…I don't think so, Oprah was so busy worshipping Obama she snubbed Sarah Palin!
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Truism III: The Arena Football League? You can't miss what you barely noticed.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.
We return you to your regular programming