Sunday, April 26, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 430

Saturday, April 25, 2009---708 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 40 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
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Rave: William Bendix.
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Reading: “The Chicago Way” by Michael Harvey.
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On the Hi Fi: “Kind of Blue”---Miles Davis.
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Under rated: Rosemary DeCamp.
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Rave: Miss USA runner-up, Carrie Prejean, will be rewarded ten-fold.
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Rant: No one expects Supreme court quality judges in a beauty contest…but whoever chose that slug Perez Hilton should have his/her head examined. The only thing Hilton is qualified to judge is a urinal.
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Idle thought: So, naturally, Larry King brings Hilton on---not once, but twice---how pathetic. In the numbers game, Sean Hannity usually doubles King’s audience---as often as not King does beat PMSNBC’s vile Maddow. And, Nancy Grace regularly skunks Keefe Overbite, as O’Reilly dominates the 8 PM time slot.
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Quote: “Luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.” ---Don Shula, former Baltimore Colt player and coach---and philosopher.
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Hmmm: Is the new Yankee Stadium the most expensive wind tunnel ever built? Coors Field East?
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Rave: “The Maltese falcon” is my favorite Humphrey Bogart movie. No movie has been cast more perfectly.
It is among my top half dozen film noir flicks as well. The others: “Murder My Sweet”—“The Postman Always Rings Twice”---“The Thin Man”—“The Big Sleep”—“Kiss Me Deadly.”
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Rant: Turner Classic Movies is easily the station I most prefer…and I feel Robert Osborne is an excellent host. The last two co-hosts he has chosen for Saturday night’s “The Essentials” leave me cold. I could never figure out what Rose McGowen offered. Alec Baldwin is just a windy gasbag, much like plagiarist Joe Biden. Mr. Osborne would be better served flying solo than with this buffoon.
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Truism I: Joekim Noah’s next offensive move will be his first.
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Truism II: In baseball, there is a category for everything.
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Truism III: Electing the wrong President is so easy even cave men can do it.
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Didjaknow: In last night’s initial Red Sox/Yankees game, there was not one 1-2-3 inning until the bottom of the 10th.
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Department of redundancy department: Smash hit, same exact, pizza pie, plan ahead, set a new record, foreign imports, merge together, boot up, null and void.
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Rant: Those who whine about credit card fees should shut up and pay the balance in full. Then it matters not what the fee is.
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Remember when: The clock in your automobile was correct twice a day.
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Hmmm:
Isiah Thomas has agreed to donate the first year of his salary to charity as part of his deal to coach at Florida International. Essentially, he'll work free next season.I'm guessing New York Knicks fans would insist that he's still going to be overpaid.
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RIP: The Pontiac is being laid to rest.
I never owned a Pontiac. My prep school crony Hardy Roberts did. As I recall it was a
1962 Bonneville---bright red. The interior was roomier than most hotel rooms…and it could go from zero to whatever in a heartbeat. Hards tooled around in those wheels our freshman year at the University of Miami…it was a pleasure to ride shotgun.
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Rave: “The Rockford Files” holds up pretty well today.
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Born this day: Meadowlark Lemon, Al Pacino…and Edward R. Murrow, who must be turning in his grave over the state of today’s network news.
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And, on this day: Daniel Defoe’s “Robinson Crusoe” was published.
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Hmmm: The Red Sox paid a $51.1 million posting fee to buy the rights from Japan for
Daisuke Matsuzaka and an additional $52 million for him to pitch six years in the US. He wore out his arm pitching for the Japanese national team? In the irony department, it doesn't get any better than that.
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Irony alert: “Populist” democrats Chris Dodd and euphemist-in-chief presbo took more AIG campaign moola than did pro-business Republicans.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 429 The Crossword Puzzle Tribute

Saturday, April 18, 2009---922 Words---Average Reading Time: 3 Minutes, 2 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: John Rich.
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Reading: “Red Knife” by William Kent Krueger.
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On the Hi Fi: “Golden Age of Song”---a Starbucks Big band compilation.
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Under rated: Bob Cummings.
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First one: On December 21, 1913, the Sunday NY World printed the first crossword puzzle…called “word-cross.” It was an immediate success and quickly became a weekly feature.
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Quote: “Since when is the secret ballot a basic tenet of democracy?” —Teamsters president James Hoffa.
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By the way: In a recent Rasmussen poll, only 9 percent of nonunion workers who responded wanted to belong to a union. That’s quite a referendum.
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Truism: Injuries are the great dream killers in sports. Just ask the Celtics with Kevin Garnett.
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Crossword: The NY World remained the only newspaper printing a crossword puzzle until 1924. Then a fledgling publishing house put out a collection of the World’s puzzles in book form. A craze began.
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Wish List: I wish Texas Governor Rick Perry was governor of my state instead of “Sorry” Charlie Crist.
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Weighty matter: Ten of the twelve NY Yankee pitchers tip the scales at more than 200 pounds…eight over 225---and David Wells is no longer on the roster.
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R.I.P.: Mark Fidrych…a true original, gone way too soon. He had an intense impact, not just on baseball, but also on pop culture.
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Caution: Watching the pointless “Observe and Report” just may lower your IQ.
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Hmmm: The rumor is the Yankees would be better off with Ava Gardner in center field than with Brett Gardner.
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Quote: “Seventy-five percent of American ‘gamers’—people who play video games—are older than 18 and nevertheless are allowed to vote.” —George Will.
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Crossword: The first crossword puzzle book sold out its initial pressing of 36,000…and the next two pressings as well…turning Simon & Shuster into a successful publishing house.
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American History: Once upon a time the Newport Jazz Festival was considered the Woodstock of its day.
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Rant: Seems like every college player who can make two shots in a row can’t wait to jump to the pros.
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Rave: I am not sure what to make of Greg Paulus’ proposed football odyssey, but it is the most intriguing story not having to do with criminal behavior on the part of an athlete to come along in a while.
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Rant: Were I the president of FIU, my first choice as basketball coach would not be the central figure in a sexual harassment suit who has never coached at the college level. But that’s just me.
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Another first: During the recent European journey, the haughty president became the first American president to speak ill of America while on foreign soil
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Crossword Irony: The NY Times was one of the last holdouts to the crossword puzzle mania. Their first puzzle appeared in 1942 (Sunday) ---1950 for the daily puzzle.
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Bumper sticker of the week: “No taxation without deliberation.”
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Another My Take: I often wonder just how many members in the obama administration have opposable thumbs---starting with Napolitano.
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Rave: I find nothing wrong with a player giving a verbal commitment to Memphis, then changing his mind to follow coach Calipari. Kids pick coaches, not schools. Nothing wrong with that either.
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This is certain: The next Hollywood celebrity who tells you something you really need to know will be the first.
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Didjaknow: The last time a US male won the Boston Marathon was 1983 when Greg Meyer took the blue ribbon.
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My take: Roger Federer is not the world’s best tennis player behind Rafael Nadal---Andy Murray is.
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Rave: The UConn Women’s Basketball team. Undefeated, untied and mostly untested in every game. They are quick, athletic, smart, never had a let down and play at a higher level than any other team.
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Crossword: The crossword puzzle golden age was the 1920’s.
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Crossword quote: “The crossword puzzle was America’s favorite licit indoor activity in the days before television.” —Publisher’s weekly.
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Hmmm: Seems thorough vetting is simply an “inconvenient process” (a pesky distraction, if you will) in the land of hopey-changey. Daschle the Dodger, Turbo Tax Geithner, Kathleen Sebelius, etc. This type of judgment comes as no surprise from someone who spent 20 years in Rev. Wright’s church and was mentored by Bill Ayers on education.
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Rant: Just when you think political correctness can’t get any worse, not to mention irrelevant,
Brown University decides to drop Columbus Day off the school’s calendar.
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Truism: True economic stimulus creates sustainable private-sector jobs.
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Crossword: Crossword puzzles appear in almost every language that lends itself to vertical and horizontal word arrangement.
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Quote: “We’re moving precipitously close to what I would call a savior-based economy.” —Mark Sanford, Governor of South Carolina.
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Rave: The Red Sox Dustin Pedroia personifies “overachiever.”
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Truism: Some five years ago Tom Daschle and many other liberals cursed George W. Bush as “the most fiscally irresponsible president in history.” He may have been---but, not any longer.
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Crossword: In the US, most puzzles call for symmetrical patterns, no more than 1/6 of the squares black, allover interlock of words, no cutoff segment or unkeyed letters.
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Rant: They should not play college basketball games in a dome.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 428

Monday, April 06, 2009---772 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 39 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: Benjamin Netanyahu.
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Reading: “Chasing Darkness” by Robert Crais.
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On the Hi Fi: Harry James---“You’ll Never Know.”
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Under rated: Claude Akins.
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Nanny State Rim Shot: How many health-and-safety inspectors does it take to change a light bulb? None, they feel it is too dangerous.
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No mystery: Sherlock Holmes was portrayed on film more often and by more different people than any other fictional character.
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What’s wrong with this coupling: Crash landing.
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Didjaknow: Last year’s NL batting champ Chipper Jones in June hit .328 and struck out 13 times in 58 at bats. In 1949, Hall of Famer George Kell, who passed away this week, won the batting championship hitting .343; in 522 ABs, Kell also struck out 13 times…for the entire season
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Ever wonder: Why the Phasers used by the crew of Star Trek only had two settings, stun or kill. Imagine the possibility of setting the Phaser on ennui or irony.
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Stats: Glenn Beck’s show on Fox News usually triples his nearest competition…as a rule his audience is more than the combined viewers on Headline News, CNN and PMSNBC.
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Truism: If the size of the sodas gets any bigger at the movies, you will be able to bathe in them.
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Is it true: That the losing teams in the Final Four have to remain in Detroit?
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Rant: Most of our recent economic problems are not nearly as severe as the political “solutions.”
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Duh: You have gotta love the Yankee’s Hal Steinbrenner who now admits that some of the seats at the new Yankee Stadium (some that go for $2000) might be overpriced. You think?
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Rave: Whoever said that your entire life is like junior high, before Facebook, was most prescient.
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Who would have thought: Congressman John Conyers (an uber liberal and head of the Judiciary Committee) is calling for a full House investigation of ACORN’s role in the presidential election and beyond. Good for him!
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Rant: Didja see where presbo told the car companies to get out of the NASCAR business.
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Truism: It will not be long before the PGA becomes The Tiger Tour.
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Rant: The G20 meeting ends with the great powers erecting a global regulatory regime to export their worst mistakes to the entire planet.
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Just asking: How many of you had Penn State over Baylor in the Men’s NIT Final?
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Rant: Bipartisan policies (Carter to Bush and presbo) put political interests above security and leave No Illegal Alien Left Behind.
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Rant: I will do great many things before I will go to a Van Diesel movie.
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Didjaknow: The last Catholic college to win the NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship was Villanova in 1985.
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Creepy: In a bid to get presbo to place more muslims in his administration a book with resumes of 45 muslims (Ivy league grads, Fortune 500 execs and public servants) has been submitted to the White House.
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Rant: Last week’s NFL off-field drama featuring a disgruntled quarterback, who has not yet led his team to the playoffs, managed to eclipse the Final Four hype.
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GM Truism: When you reward failure, all you get is more failure. Worse, the subsidizing of bad decisions destroys one of the most effective sources of better decisions---namely, paying the consequences of bad decisions.
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My take: I have thought the six dark days between the final Elite Eight game and the start of the Final Four saps much of the momentum of the tournament.
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Ooops: Latest GM Owner’s Manual will come with a disclaimer---“Close enough for government work.”
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Geez: You know that we are all in the Twilight Zone when the headmaster of the prestigious Boston Latin School felt the need to send a notice to parents, students and faculty saying that there were no vampires in the school…after supposed widespread rumors of their existence.
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Hmmm: What do suppose the odds were back in the ‘60s when we were all making out to the music of Johnny Mathis, that he would be performing this spring at Mohegan Sun?
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Rant: Those E*Trade commercials with the obnoxious babies that seem to monopolize the commercial breaks during the Men’s NCAA Basketball Tournament.
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Didjaknow: During inaugural festivities, obama skipped the military inaugural ball---apparently the first time a newly installed president failed to show up.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.