Saturday, May 16, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 435

Preakness Saturday, May 16, 2009---742 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 34 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
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Rave:
Tim Holt.
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Reading: "Road Dogs" by Elmore Leonard.
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On the Hi Fi: "The Nat King Cole Story."
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Under rated:
Edward Everett Horton.
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Truism: A watched phone never rings.
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Rave: Bond girls.
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Hmmm: Remember when Michelle Wie was supposed to be Tiger of the women’s tour? Not yet.
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Truism: The problem with most summer movies is you have to lower your IQ 50 points to be admitted.
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Bijou Biz: Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away when the USA went to war, Hollywood went as well. USO tours, the Hollywood Canteen, Savings Bond Drives, training films, stars like Jimmy Stewart, Lee Marvin and Clark Gable enlisted…and Hollywood made some fantastic movies. Of course, that was before people like Sean Penn and Jane Fonda crawled out from under their rock.
Among my favorite war films:
The Longest Day, The Great Escape, The Guns of Navarone, Hell Is for Heroes, Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, Dirty Dozen, Big Red One, Black Hawk Down, Pork Chop Hill, Where Eagles Dare, Sahara, Battleground, Objective Burma, Twelve O’Clock High, Never So Few, Bridge on the River Kwai, Bridges at Toko-Ri, A Bridge Too Far, Midway.
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Memo to Dwight Howard: Before you call out your coach, how about making a few free throws first?
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Pop quiz: Where did Dwight Howard go to college? Answer below.
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Rave: Hubie Brown is still an excellent NBA analyst. And Reggie Miller is awful.
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Just asking: What were the odds back there in the early ’60's that Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons would be touring in this summer of 2009?
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Quote: “So Ford is like a homeowner who planned prudently and can pay his mortgage, while his spendthrift neighbors get their mortgage reduced by some new federal program.
Ford executives are probably fretting about this, but there isn't much that can be done. They already have exchanged some of their debt for equity, and might do more of that. But the bottom line is that we live in a world where wisdom can be punished and where foolishness can be rewarded.” -- Paul Ingrassia, Wall Street Journal
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Rant: Most owners of four-wheel drive vehicles never get out of two-wheel drive.
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Silly me: I thought the President of the USA was supposed to keep terrorists out of this country…not bring them here.
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Quote: “I didn't graduate in the top half of my class; however I graduated in the group that made the top half possible!” ---Coyote Calhoun, Legend, Baseball Fan and good friend.
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Seems to me: That our Homeland Security Department requires urgent adult supervision before it becomes Homeland Insecurity.
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But who’s counting: How many of your New Year’s Resolutions are you still keeping?
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Truism: The USA already has the best medical care in the world…so how does someone who has never run so much as a lemonade stand think he improve the quality of medicine? Especially when that someone is one whose life is based on style rather than substance, on rhetoric rather than reality
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Rave: Very few shows on the tube today are as good as was
“Buffalo Bill” with Dabney Coleman. +++++++
Beyond Belief: I heard three NPR newscasts today (one mid-morning and two mid-afternoon). Not one word about pelosi’s deceitful obfuscation of the truth regarding her knowledge of EITs. Not a word about the peaceful demonstrations at Notre Dame against the pro-abortion presbo. They don’t report---so you can’t decide. That’s government radio for you.
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Rant: The Notre Dame protesters are real threats since, for the most part, they are members of the clergy and senior citizens.
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Truism: Once you put something in a kitchen drawer, you never change its location.
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Quiz answer: He never went to college…yes, it was a trick question.
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Metaphor of the day: If the way to a man’s heart is thru his stomach; isn’t the way to a woman’s thru the door of a restaurant?
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 434

Saturday, May 09, 2009---685 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 22 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
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Rave:
James Whitmore.
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Reading: “First Family” by David Baldacci.
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On the Hi Fi: Kitty Kallen---“It’s Been a Long Long Time.”
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Under rated:
Strother Martin.
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Truism: Most people don’t know how things work…just that they work.
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Pop Quiz: Did you prefer Ward Bond or John McIntire as the wagon master on TV’s “
Wagon Train?’
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Didjaknow: “Wagon Train” was based on the 1950 movie, “
Wagon Master”—directed by John Ford—starring Ben Johnson and Ward Bond.
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Quote: “Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird was bought for $9,500; less than four tickets to a Yankees game.” -- New York Post’s Phil Mushnick.
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Try it: Always do the crossword puzzle in ink.
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No can do: Whistling and whittling are two skills I have yet to master.
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Truism: Bureaucrats are the epoxy that lubricate the wheels of government.
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TV Timeout: Game 7 of the Bulls-Celtics series last Saturday night on TNT was the most-watched first-round NBA playoff game ever on cable (displacing Game 6 as the highest rated), while the Kentucky Derby on NBC attracted the largest audience since 1992.
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Didjaknow: The film noir classic, “Double Indemnity” was nominated for seven Oscars…including best film, screenplay and director.
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Hmmm: Other than hurting your foot…what does kicking the tires of a new car accomplish?
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Missed the memo: When did turquoise become teal?
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True: Yesterday I had to leave my car at the dealer for a repair. They loaned me a car. As I attempted to line up the outside mirrors…I opened the trunk. Now, if only I can locate the gas tank.
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TV Timeout II: In 1961, the ABC network debuted a series entitled “
The Asphalt Jungle,” starring Jack Warden and Arch Johnson. It had no connection to the 1950 John Huston classic other than the title. Music provided by Duke Ellington. They canceled the show after 13 episodes.
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Hmmm: Football fans are trying to imagine what Brett Favre will look like in a purple uniform. Nobody except the pope really looks good in purple.
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Bijou Biz: The courtroom has been the scene of many of Hollywood’s finest moments. Perhaps the close quarters of the courtroom and the jury room help create a claustrophobic tenseness that drives the suspense. Among my favorite courtroom dramas: “
Primal Fear,” “To Kill a Mockingbird,” “Inherit the Wind,” “Witness for the Prosecution,” Compulsion,” “The Verdict,” I Am the Law,” “Anatomy of a Murder,” “12 Angry Men,” The Runaway Jury,” “The Caine Mutiny.” What are yours?
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Irony Department: Fox carried "Lie to Me" instead of a presbo news conference? The jokes just write themselves, don't they?
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Truism: Fashions change. The culture changes. The country changes. However, proms are timeless.
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R.I.P.: The “Little Professor” Dom DiMaggio was a seven time All-Star during his ten seasons with the Red Sox. His 34 game hitting-streak remains the longest in Bosox history. He was a classy gentleman.
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Quote: “See if you can follow this political syllogism. President Obama and his Education Secretary have repeatedly promised to support "what works," regardless of ideology. The teachers unions adamantly oppose school vouchers, whether or not they work. Ergo, Messrs. Obama and Duncan decide to end a D.C. school voucher program that works and force poor kids back into schools where Messrs. Obama and Duncan would never send their own children. What a disgrace.” ---Wall Street Journal editorial, 5/5/09.
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Just wondering: When was the last time you checked the pressure on your spare tire?
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Non-stimulus:
It is estimated the networks have lost more than $30 million in ad revenue this year from carrying Pres. obama's three prime time addresses.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 433

Monday, May 04, 2009---650 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 27 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
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Rave:
Lee Tracy
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Reading: “Loitering with Intent” by Stuart Woods.
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On the Hi Fi: “The Good Earth”—Woody Herman and His Thundering Herd.
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Under rated:
Lew Ayres
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Rave:
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith.
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Rant: Well, great! Now that Congress has solved all our other big problems, they can concentrate on fixing stuff like college football!
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Didjaknow: Jack Kemp never served as a member of a majority congress.
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Hmmm: Amazing how smart a teleprompter can make you look.
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Factoid: There are eleven colleges in the Big Ten Conference. Who teaches math at those schools?
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American history: Vermont was not one of the original thirteen states…close at number fourteen.
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Derby Reflections: Great race, great back-story and just a great aerial camera shot showing Calvin Borel’s amazing stretch run on the rail. The 42 year old, Mr. Borel became the seventh jockey to win both the Derby and filly version, the Kentucky Oaks, in the same year. This was the highest rated Derby since 1992.
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Stats: An overwhelming amount of the time Glenn Beck attracts more viewers on one airing than his competitor, tingling feeling Chris Mathews, draws in two showings. In one showing, Fox’s Officer O’Reilly out performs Keefe Overbite’s two showings. Same with Sean Hannity over Maddow.
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Pop quiz: Can you remember your first phone number?
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Shocking: What’s worse---biting your tongue or hitting your funny bone?
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Truism: Locating the gas tank on a rental car is always a challenge.
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Didjaknow: They use about forty pucks during an average NHL game.
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Hmmm: Milli Vanilli were four people---Rimsky-Korsakov was one.
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Faves: What with all the newspapers losing circulation and their numbers reduced daily, here are my favorite “newspaper movies.”
Ace in the Hole,” “Call Northside 777,” “The Mean Season” [based on John Katzenbach’s “In the Heat of the Summer”], “Designing Woman,” “His Girl Friday,” “The Front Page,” Foreign Correspondent,” “Sweet Smell of Success,” “All the President’s Men,” “Absence of Malice.” This film genre, whether comedy or drama, featured intrepid reporters, romance, tight deadlines, exclusives, moral dilemmas, colorful supporting characters, cynical wise-guys, and quick-witted repartee. Printer’s ink was in their DNA. Stop the presses!
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Department of Redundancy Department: Future plans, important essentials, each individual, close proximity, same exact.
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This just in: Tickets for prime seats at the new Yankee Stadium are being sold on the secondary market for far less than face value…including Red Sox games.
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Double standard: When presbo used the phrase, “doggone it” in his recent auto industry sermon, his groupies in the press praised him in their schoolgirl-crush-way as folksy, man of the people, etc. When Sarah Palin used “doggone it” these same knights of the keyboards called her a rube. Fair and balanced---you decide.
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Didjaknow: Both of Elvis’ parents appeared as extras in his 1957 flick, “Loving You.”
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Quote: “It’s amazing how students only care about the immorality of socialism when it hurts them.” —Alyssa Cordova, George Mason University student.
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Hmmm: Why does it cost the same to see a physician’s assistant as to see the doctor?
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Stats: Vincent Van Gogh sold just one painting while alive.
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Quote: “Early to bed, early to rise and your girl goes out with other guys.” —Bob Collins in “Love That Bob”
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Just wondering: When was the last time you checked the pressure on your spare tire?
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 432

Saturday, May 02, 2009---597 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 9 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
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Rave:
George Raft
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Reading: “Envy the Night”—Michael Koryta.
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On the Hi Fi: “Benny Goodman in Hi Fi”
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Under rated:
Ben Gazzara.
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Rave: ESPN’s coverage of the races prior to the Derby at Churchill Downs is pretty impressive. There is a lot of time to fill between races…not an easy task…they get the job done with a minimum of goofiness. Best thing they do is keep buffoons like Chris Berman away.
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Hmmm: Should it be “near miss” or “near hit”---“Foul pole” or “fair pole”?
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Factoids: The last Triple Crown winner in baseball was Carl Yastrzemski’s in 1967 (although the last pitching Triple Crown winner - Wins, Strikeouts and ERA was Jake Peavy in 2007); the last in horseracing was Affirmed in 1978.
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Truism: Derby Day is the only time of the year anyone considers with any seriousness, the drinking of a Mint Julep. Bourbon and sugar!
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Bravo:
Andrew C. McCarthy
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Ouch!: Freshly minted Democrat Arlen Specter joined three of his Democrat colleagues in voting against the Obama budget. He is now officially the Democrats’ headache.
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Top Tip: My optician recommends cleaning your glass with a solution of 1/2 Windex and 1/2 water. Dry with a soft cloth (never use any product made from a tree). Full strength Windex or alcohol tends to dry the frame.
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Didjaknow: William Howard Taft became a Supreme Court judge after serving as POTUS.
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Quote: “Bankruptcy is a way of reallocating resources.” —Renown economist Milton Friedman, who thought no company was too big to fail.
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Books and movies: Amazing how much cross-pollination there was with the book authors and scriptwriters of the great noir films of the 1940’s. “
Double Indemnity” was written by James M. Cain…the movie script co-written by Raymond Chandler. Mr. Cain wrote much of the dialog in “Out of the Past.” William Faulkner co-wrote the script for Mr. Chandler’s novel, “The Big Sleep.” Additionally, Mr. Chandler earned script or novel credits for “The Blue Dahlia,” “Strangers on a Train,” “Lady in the Lake,” “Murder My Sweet,” “Farewell My Lovely” and “Time to Kill.”
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Didjaknow: Bogart and Bacall, noir’s first couple, were paired in only four noir films. They were so good, it seemed like more.
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Rave:
Laura, starring Gene Tierney, Dana Andrews and Vincent Price, featured one of Hollywood’s all-time-greatest musical themes.
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More noir: These films featured cynical wit, smoldering despair, impending doom, snappy dialog, pitiless violence, a deep undercurrent of fear, paranoia, the expectation of sudden violence and brittle sex…filmed amongst exquisite camerawork using light and shadow like a Renaissance painter used his brush and oils.
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Rant: Always nice to see that the NY Times sends a groupie to cover presbo’s prime time “news” love-in.
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Truism: In politics, power trumps knowledge.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Curmudgeon in the Wry 431

Wednesday, April 29, 2009---665 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 20 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
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Rave:
Lana Turner.
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Reading: Michael Koryta’s “Envy the Night.”
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On the Hi Fi: “Bigger Hands” by John Anderson. Quite excellent.
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Under rated:
Billie Burke.
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Must See TV: The Kentucky Derby, Saturday, NBC, 4 PM (Eastern) ---The most exciting two minutes in sports.
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Quote: “I regularly remind my students that you know are living in a good, strong and healthy democracy when you are offended on a daily basis.” —Lara Brown, political scientist at Villanova University.
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Rave: It doesn’t seem like it was seven years ago that “The Rookie” starring Dennis Quaid was released. AMC debuted it last Saturday night. For my money, it is a far better baseball movie than “Bull Durham” or “The Natural.” The soundtrack is just wonderful.
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Rant: Naturally, AMC will put “The Rookie” in super high rotation and burn it to crisp before the week is out. Their library must be miniscule as their repetition and commercials make them difficult to watch.
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Speaking of rookies: “The Postman Always Rings Twice” was James M. Cain’s first novel. Not a bad start.
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Pop Quiz: Name the seven deadly sins. Answers below.
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Timeless: Duke Vs Carolina, Red Sox vs Yankees, The Kentucky Derby.
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MLB Stat: In a single inning, the winning team scores as many or more runs than does the losing team for the entire game. Check the line score for the next couple of days.
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Misnomer: World Baseball Classic. The major leaguers were not really playing for a country---more to the point they were playing for MLB commissioner Bozo Bud, and thug-union-leader Fehr.
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Idle thought: The bejeweled black bird in “The Maltese Falcon” is almost certainly the most famous McGuffin in film history.
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More Falcon: “The Maltese Falcon” was nominated for three Academy Awards---Picture, Supporting Actor (Sydney Greenstreet in his first talkie) and Adapted Screenplay.
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Now that presbo is super-CEO of Government Motors, wouldn’t it be far more comforting if he had, say, as much business experience as a Burger King assistant manager?
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Falcon Irony: “The Maltese Falcon’s” femme fatale, Mary Astor, won Best Supporting Actress for her role in “The Great Lie” that year---“The Maltese Falcon” won none of its three nominations.
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Falcon Footnote: It was refilmed 34 years later as “Black Bird” starring George Segal as Sam Spade, Jr. That was a record for an interval between an original and sequel.
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Quote: "I made a mistake. I got a mortgage that didn't overextend me and probably bought the right piece of property so it's not going upside down. As a reward, I get to pay for TARP I, TARP II, the stimulus plan, mortgage nationalizations, bank nationalizations, and the AIG nationalization. What all else obama will think up to punish me?
” -- Dorothy Myers, in response to a Wall Street Journal Editorial
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Department of redundancy department: Unpaid debt, combine together, round in shape, exact same.
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Factoid: From 2000 to 2004, before his run for POTUS, presbo and wife donated the magnanimous amount of 1 (one) percent of their income to charity. The high-minded, generous gasbag Biden continued his decade long habit of less than 1%. In 2008, Biden did include $550 for clothing to goodwill. I don’t even factor in Goodwill or books to the local library. These people are both shameful and shameless.
It just shows that liberals love to be generous with other people’s dough. Since they eschew charitable donations themselves, it is no wonder presbo wants to decrease the charitable deduction for the generous portion of the population.
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Quiz answer: Envy, gluttony, greed, lust, pride, sloth, wrath. How many did you get?
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.