Thursday, August 27, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 447

Thursday, August 27, 2009---633 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 3 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.
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Rave: Virginia Mayo.
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Reading: Laura Lippman’s “Another Thing to Fall.”
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On the Hi Fi: “Historic Gershwin Recordings.”
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Under rated: Dorothy Malone.
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R.I.P.: Ellie Greenwich was one of the wonderful pop songwriters who worked out of the Brill Building. She wrote many, many pop hits during the “girl group” era, penning hits for The Crystals, The Dixie Cups, The Chiffons and The Ronnettes among others. “Chapel of Love,”Da Doo Ron Ron,” Be My Baby,” “And Then He Kissed Me” and “Leader of the Pack” are all part of the soundtrack of my life.
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Rant: The wall-to-wall coverage of the Little League World Series on ESPN…give me a break.
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Rave: Advice from my doctor pal from the gym about flu prevention---wash your hands aggressively and obsessively---avoid shaking hands if possible.
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Quote: “But the lesson of cash for clunkers is that if this government can't manage a free lunch, it can hardly be trusted to decide whether you can have a hip replacement, and how much it will pay for it.” ---Wall Street Journal Editorial, 8/24/09.
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Pop Quiz: We all know that Napoleon Solo was the Man from U.N.C.L.E. Who was the “Girl from U.N.C.L.E?” Answer below.
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R.I.P.: Bob Novak was a reporter’s reporter. He was a gumshoe reporter; forever tenacious, relentless, steadfast and persistent. He was a media watchdog who kept all politicos on their toes. With the media lapdogs in today’s mainstream media, I doubt his like will pass amongst us any time soon.
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Rave: Some TV shows in syndication hold up far better than others. Many (to me, at least) seem like great period pieces---fun while they lasted, but lasted only while they were fun. Of those available here, “Leave It to Beaver,” Rockford Files,” “Seinfeld,” “Father Knows Best” and “Bachelor Father” hold up best for me. What show still hold your attention?
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Hmmm: What would happen if you hired two private investigators to follow each other?
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Rant: First round draft picks, TV host morons division. Chris Berman, Joe Buck, Chris “tingly leg” Matthews, Keefe Olderman, Oprah, Geraldo, Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Bill Mahar, Anderson Cooper, Montell Williams, Katie Couric, Rick Sutcliff, John Kruk, Rachel Maddow, Mark Lamont Hill, Martha Stewart, David Gregory,
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Truism: Errol Flynn was the original action hero.
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Quiz answer: April Dancer. The show lasted only one season…for obvious reasons…it was awful, as the linked clip will show.
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Rave: It is somewhat forgivable to have missed Gregory Peck and Errol Flynn in the first round draft picks for Western Movie Stars division, as westerns were just a part of their bodies of work. However, to have spaced on Sam Elliott is inexcusable. He is the quintessential western actor.
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R.I.P.: Where do you start with Les Paul? He just about did it all with the guitar from invention, to innovation, to playing. He revolutionized the role and sound of the guitar and recordings. I had the pleasure of working his 1977 album that he recorded with Chet Atkins entitled, “Chester and Lester.” Songs like “Moonglow,” “Caravan” and “Birth of the Blues” never sounded so expressive.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 446

Friday, August 21, 2009---556 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 04 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.
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Rave: Barton MacLane.
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Reading: Laura Lippman’s “Another Thing to Fall.”
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On the Hi Fi: “This Is June Christy.”
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Under rated: Allen Jenkins
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Rave: The “Early Memories” commemorative stamp set features shots of twenty shows from television’s youth…all in living black and white. I was a fan of most of them---but never loved Lucy, didn’t get Red Skelton and was bored stiff by the Honeymooners. Missing (in my memories) are “Leave It to Beaver,” “Bachelor Father” and “My Little Margie.”
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Rant: I don't know about anybody else but I'm tired of paying for everyone's down payment on a new car.
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I wish: There was a sarcasm font.
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Great movie line: “Tell me the story of your like…skip everything, but the last two minutes.” Luke Matthews (James Coburn) to Carbo “The Kid” (Jan Michael Vincent) in 1975’s “Bite the Bullet.” Candice Bergen never looked better than she did as Miss Jones.
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I miss: My 1975 Buick LeSabre convertible.+++++++
Truism: When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
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Hmmm: When did "went missing" replace the word disappeared?
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Truism: If you remember Woodstock, you probably weren’t there.
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Rave: First round draft picks---western movies division. Joel McCrea, Ben Johnson, John Wayne, Randolph Scott, Jimmy Stewart, James Garner, James Coburn, Steve McQueen, Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglas, Clint Eastwood, Tom Selleck, Robert Duvall, Robert Ryan, Tim Holt, Gary Cooper, Strother Martin, Bruce Cabot, Ward Bond, Charlton Heston, Henry Fonda, William Holden, Jack Elam, Gabby Hayes.
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Rave: And the coaches---Budd Boetticher, Henry Hathaway, John Ford, Sam Peckinpah, Howard Hawks, John Sturges, John Huston.
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TV Timeout: “Psych” (USA Network, Fridays at 10) is engaging entertainment. The self-deprecating humor and goofiness of the two leads more than offsets the oft times incredulity of the plot.
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Wedding bells: Rumor has it that after 67 years Archie and Veronica are getting married. The September First issue of Archie Comics is “The Proposal.” It will take six issues to learn whether either Veronica or Archie get cold feet.
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Rant: I think all the commercials with doorbells should be aimed toward people with dogs, since that's whose attention they get.
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Quote: “Freedom is about self-determination. Obama’s health care scheme would undermine both.” ---ABC’s John Stossel.
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Truism: MapQuest needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure, I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
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Hmmm: Is there ever a time when some Law & Order episode isn’t playing?
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Didjaknow: The original “Law and Order” has been running for 19 years.
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Truism: The transition from feel-good slogans to specific plans always increases public controversy.
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Rave: Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
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Rant: michelle my belle obama has a larger staff of courtiers and ladies-in-waiting than Madame Pompadour and Madonna put together.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Letter to my Congessman

Ken Van Durand
Box 797
Windermere
Florida 34786


TO: Alan Grayson


According to the Orlando Sentinel (hardly a conservative paper), the resort tax showed a decrease of 15.9%.

Much of this is due to your party’s president putting Orlando (along with Reno and Las Vegas) on the black list for government and corporate conventions and meetings. The absurd reasoning given is these are destinations with too many entertaining diversions.

Tourism and the revenue generated is a core component of our economy.

Where is your outrage? If you were working for Floridians you would have “hit back twice as hard” when this ridiculous statement was made by your party’s leader.

As a constituent and thirty-six year resident of Orange County, I am appalled by your silence.
Thank you,




Ken Van Durand

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 445

Monday, August 03, 2009---574 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 11 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.
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Rave: Glenn Beck
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Reading: “The Renegades” by T. Jefferson Parker.
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On the Hi Fi: “The Best of Jo Stafford.”
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Under rated: Michelle Malkin.
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Hmmm: If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?
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Truism: Never mistake activity for achievement
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Paraphrasing: obama isn’t a doctor; he just plays one on TV.
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Rim Shot: Morton's Law — take everything with a grain of salt.
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Rave: Chinatown (1974) is arguably Jack Nicholson’s finest movie role. If you haven’t seen “Chinatown” recently, do your good taste a favor and rent it.
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Stats: July prime time cable rankings---#1-USA, #2-TNT, #3-Fox News, #15-CNN, #26-PMSNBC.
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Rave: Glad to see USA atop the list. They have a number of the most entertaining and interesting shows on the tube. “Burn Notice,” “Royal Pains,” “In Plain Sight,” “Monk,” “Psych.”
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Truism: Should the government run health care bill pass; and you think your health insurance will be the same as Barney Franks’ your health problem is insanity.
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Didjaknow: Despite its six-year-run as a prime-time network offering, “Leave It to Beaver” never made the coveted top-twenty-five list.
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Nit picking: You are not buried in a tomb…you are entombed.
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Rave: Clever business names spotted around and about---All Bugged Out (exterminator); Great Impasta (Italian Restaurant); Junk and Disorderly [used furniture]; Street Carts Named Devour; Marquis de Sod [landscaper].
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Hmmm: I just wish presbo cared as much about the health and comfort of USA senior citizens as he does about the Islamic terrorists in Gitmo. His health insurance reform bill places young illegal aliens higher on the food chain than elderly American citizens.
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Truism: Cheating at solitaire---a victimless and, may I add, pointless crime.
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Stats: A pound of five-dollar bills is worth $2,400…a pound of twenties is worth $9,600…a pound of hundreds is worth $48,000.
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Didjaknow: Adrenaline is a natural antihistamine.
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Pop quiz: How many tsars are there in the obama White House? Hint---more than the total number of presidents in the history of the USA.
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Once upon a time: The dime was known as a “hog.” It led to the phrase about spending the whole hog.
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That’s show biz: Ronald Reagan and his wife Nancy played together in only one movie…1957’s “Hellcats of the Navy.”
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Didjaknow: Nearly every word in the Chinese Mandarin language is one syllable.
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Rant: While I don’t quite believe that obama forgot his birth certificate when he departed the mother ship, I would like to see his college transcripts. When you hide something, it means you have something to hide. I’m just sayin’.
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Stats: In the average mall’s parking lot, you can park about 124 autos. About 220 per acre in a car dealer’s storage lot.
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Truism: The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Letter to my congressmen

Ken Van Durand
Box 797
Windermere
Florida 34786


TO: Alan Grayson

I would appreciate honest answers to the following questions about health care insurance reform.

Will you oppose any healthcare reform bill that uses my tax dollars to pay for abortions?

Will you oppose any healthcare reform bill that in any way promotes euthanasia?

Why are Congress and the president pushing through a healthcare bill that would cost another trillion dollars over the next ten years? Shouldn't we concentrate on getting the debt under control first?

How can government promise to do more with less? Will you oppose any healthcare reform bill that in any way limits my access to healthcare or medicines recommended by my doctor?

Why are you imposing additional mandates and taxes on small businesses, which create the overwhelming majority of new jobs, in the middle of a severe recession?

Why are you trying to force us in the direction of more government involvement in healthcare when everywhere government-run healthcare has been tried, quality declines and care is rationed?

Why are you and the White House rushing this bill through Congress and ignoring the concerns of the American people as the polls clearly show?

Why do you believe bureaucrats can make better decisions than I can about what kind of health insurance I should have? In addition, will you guarantee that any healthcare reform bill passed by Congress will always allow me to choose my own doctor?

Why are you throwing affirmative action/racial set asides into a healthcare reform bill?

Isn't it clear that not allowing insurance companies to deny coverage for pre-existing medical conditions would drive up the cost of health insurance for everyone?

Sincerely,



Ken Van Durand
Wednesday, August 05, 2009