Saturday, January 16, 2010

Curmudgeon in the Wry 465

Saturday, January 16, 2010---592 Words---Average Reading Time: 1 Minutes, 54 Second. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.
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Rave:
Gahan Wilson.
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Reading: “
The Hadrian Memorandum” by Allan Folsom. Most excellent…extraordinary thriller…unbelievable velocity.
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On the Hi Fi: “Nipper’s Greatest Hits-The 60’s Volume 1.”
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Under rated:
Louis Calhern
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Must see TV: Tonight on ESPN at 9 PM---two undefeated teams in Women’s Basketball---#1 U-Conn hosts #3 Notre Dame. The athletes on these two teams are dazzling…both are extremely well coached.
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Rant: Answering a question with “That’s a good question” drives me crazy…just answer the question.
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Rave: Linda Chavez is one tough cookie.
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Not to be missed:
Andrew Klaven.
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Good advice: Know how to give perfect directions to your home and business.
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Truism: Gilbert Arenas is the winner of this year’s Plaxico Burress Award.
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Hmmm: Don’t know about you, but what happens to Conan O’Brien on NBC is way down on my list of things to care about.
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Rant: We have gone from “
Jersey Boys” to “Jersey Shore” in a generation---who says things get better?
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Heads up: Raise your hand, if back in November; you thought the Jets would be playing this weekend.
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Dollars and sense: The “dribble-drive” offense works better, the bigger the team’s payroll.
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Rant: What lasts longer…a time-share or a government program? Both seem to have infinite shelf lives.
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Truism: Be wary of those who call and say they have no agenda.
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Learning curve: Learn how to make noises that sound like heavy static to use in case you need to get off a cell phone.
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I’m shocked—shocked: You didn’t have to be Kreskin to know Mark McGwire was using ample amounts of steroids.
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Puh-leeze: “I wish I had never played during the steroid era.” —Mark McGwire. Give me a break.
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Hmmm: “The only people who could possibly claim they did not know about McGwire’s secret formula have been in a 12 year coma or called themselves Tony LaRussa.” —Bob Molinaro.
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Common sense: In a meeting, talking on a cell phone is worse than carrying on a separate conversation.
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Just wondering: Where were the fashion police when the new fashion statement for high school girls became pajama pants?
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Quote: “Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.” —Charles de Gaulle.
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Rant: The expression “It is what it is” needs to be retired.
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Rave: Cell phones were invented for two reasons---to call and say you are running late and to call the pizza delivery shop from the road so that they can meet you at the door.
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Didjaknow: George W. Bush had better grades in college than Al Gore.
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Didjaknow II: George W. Bush scored higher on his military IQ test than did John Kerry.
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Didjaknow III: George W. Bush had higher SAT scores than Rhodes Scholar Bill Bradley. However, Bradley was a better basketball player.
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Hmmm: Is anyone aware that the PGA Tour has started up again?
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My-oh-my: In college basketball, Syracuse one fewer 3-point field goal than their opponents---however, the opposition has taken 106 more attempts.
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Rave: Always use “Spell-Check.”
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Curmudgeon in the Wry 464

Thursday, January 07, 2010---653 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 12 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.
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Rave:
Wendy Barrie.
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Reading: “Brimstone” by Robert B. Parker.
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On the Hi Fi: “Bird Song”—
Hampton Hawes.
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Under rated:
Frank Lovejoy.
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Rave: Dana Perino is one tough cookie.
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Rant: On TV, every pass a defensive player touches is “almost intercepted.”
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Rimshot: Kellogg’s ended its endorsement relationship with swimmer Michael Phelps after accusing the Olympian of being a flake.
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Truism: College football tailgating has become a competitive sport.
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Rave:
The Post Office is outdoing themselves in 2010 with commemoratives. Katharine Hepburn (5/12); Cowboys of the Silver Screen (Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, Tom Mix and William S. Hart) on 4/17; Bill Maudlin; Negro League baseball; Sunday Funnies (Archie, Garfield, Dennis the Menace, Calvin & Hobbes and Beetle Bailey); Kate Smith on 5/1.
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Rant: Men’s golf must be a miserable spectator sport if the health of the entire industry is dependent upon a single player.
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Hmmm: It’s always the quarterback’s fault, even when it’s not.
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Rant: Janet Napolitano should be put on the cover of Mad Magazine, with the “What, Me Worry” phrase prominently displayed. She is woefully overmatched. You gotta love her “let’s stay one step behind the terrorists” policy. Heck of a job Nappy!
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Just wondering: What happens when the system doesn’t work?
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Rimshot II: Lance Armstrong is very good at re-cycling himself.
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Rave: Planters Black Label Santa Fe Roasted Chipotle Seasoned Cashews & Almonds.
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Quote: “Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.” – Mark Twain
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Rant: The “issues page” on the web site for Florida’s incompetent Republican governor Charlie Crist has said “coming soon” for over six months.
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Rave: TCM’s 24 hours of Bogart each Wednesday in December was quite a treat. TCM could do that two or three times a year as far as I am concerned. I appreciate the old studio-system even more when I watch those Bogart Warner Brothers films. What a great collection of character actors they had! You may not know the name, but you know the face---and they were all exceptional professionals.
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Rant: NFL teams resting their players to get ready for the playoffs is consumer fraud.
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Truism: Bowl games were better when there were only five of them.
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Rave: Afternoon football bowl games are the best nap aid going.
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Silly me: When I heard presbo’s initial reactions to the Christmas terrorist bomber, calling it an isolated “incident,” I thought he was vacationing in the Fantasy Islands, not the Hawaiian Islands.
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Hmmm: If we have learned one thing from coaches, athletes and politicians, it is that invoking one’s family is the final refuge of a phony.
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Quote: “Tiger Woods is the first person in history to run into a fire hydrant and set himself on fire.” —Richard Courtens.
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This just in: Via George Will—Forty percent of Division I football lose money. 41% of Texas football players major in Youth and Community Services (compared to 0.2% of the entire student population. 78.4% of Michigan’s football players major in General Studies (compared to 1.6% of all students there.)
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Didjaknow: Over the past 10 seasons, three pro football teams have averaged less than 18 per game---Washington, Cleveland and Detroit.
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Quote: “I’ve seen guys selling “genuine mink coats” out of the trunk of a ’94 Buick I’d trust more than Robert Gibbs.” —Burt Prelutsky.
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Rant: There aren’t enough commercial interruptions during an NFL game.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.