Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Curmudgeon in the Wry 532


lWednesday, August 29, 2012---625 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 15 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.         
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Why waste your time anywhere else.
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Rave: The Del Vikings.
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Reading: “Black List” by Brad Thor. Thanks Don!
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Under rated: The Ly-Dells. 
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember when suitcases had to be carried instead of rolled.
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I counted about eight of the best and brightest of the tennis world making incredible shots in the 30 second clip…including the sisters Williams, Roger, Maria, Andy Murray’s amazing hitting the ball with the racket handle, and two of the Joker.
The spot gives me goose bumps.
I love professional tennis, especially the majors. I really prefer it when all wear white, but it’s a blast no matter what.
I’ll be watching…I won’t even need a shove. 
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Rant: 15-minute parking meters.
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Truism: Never economize on luxuries.
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Didjaknow: The Green Hornet was the Lone Ranger’s great grandson.
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Hmmm: Why does the moon appear bigger at the horizon than up in the sky?
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Great opening paragraph: ‘Uniformed LAPD Officer Joe Pike could hear the banda music even with the engine idling, the a.c. jacked to meat locker, and the two-way crackling callout codes to other units.”—“L.A. Requiem” by Robert Crais, one of the finest crime novels ever written.
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Ever wonder: Why are the flush handles on toilets are located on the left side?
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Hmmm: Why do the best two hours of sleep start one hour before the alarm goes off?
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Truism: In my lifetime, arguably, just two presidential candidates truly benefited from debating.
JFK looked vibrant, robust and energetic opposite Nixon’s dour, pallid, listless countenance.
Ronald Reagan looked powerful, potent and confident across from Carter’s weak, ineffective and incompetent demeanor. 
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember when an airline ticket was a booklet of pages separated by carbon paper.
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Quote: "Debbie Wasserman-Shultz is a waste of a hyphen."--Dennis Miller.
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Truism: We don’t meet people accidentally; there is a reason for everything.
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Rave: To Jacksonville Jaguars head coach Mike Mularkey. He will donate $250 to Ronald McDonald House each time one of his players acts like a human being and hands the ball over to the nearest official after scoring a touchdown…as opposed to acting like a moron and doing a foolish end zone dance. This creates a true dilemma for today’s self-absorbed players.
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Rave: “The Maltese Falcon” remains, in many ways, the ultimate private eye novel and movie.
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You Know You’re Old: If you ever used a phone booth.
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iRony Alert: “Well, Beaver, this may come as a shock to you, but life isn’t exactly like television.”—Ward Cleaver on Leave It to Beaver.
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Truism: No two things are as inseparable as the two umbrellas you bought in order to have one at home and one at the office.
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One Final Thought: Summer in Central Florida is not for sissies.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Curmudgeon in the Wry 531


Sunday, August 19, 2012---882 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 52 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.         
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Why waste your time anywhere else.
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Rave: Neal Sedaka.
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Reading: “Creole Belle” by James Lee Burke.
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On the Hi Fi: “Face Up In the rain” by Michael Tomlinson.
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Under rated: Joanie Sommers.
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You Know You’re Old: If you ever signed your name with a fountain pen.
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Great opening paragraph: “The debriefing took ten days in a sealed-off suite in the old section of the Army’s Letterman General Hospital in San Francisco and when it was finished, so was my career---if it could be called that.”---The Fools in Town Are on Our Side” by Ross Thomas.
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Truism: I am very trustworthy and loyal until I am taken for granted or lied to.
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Story of my life: 35 years ago Elvis died, but 22 years before that he changed my life.
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Hmmm: There is a movement afoot to add pole dancing to the 2016 Olympics. Would the winners receive medals or five-dollar bills?
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Rave: Those meanies at Chick-fil-A, who, thank goodness, do not have Chicago values, give a 50% discount to cops, EMTs, fire fighters and active military. They are very humble about this…I found out quite by accident.
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Never Before: This Olympics have we heard the words, “Denmark is a very proud badminton nation.”
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Rave: Nice to see that host nation Great Britain is third in the medal race behind only the giants USA and China.
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Truism: The November election is a choice between the Romney ticket’s Bain Capital and obama’s Das Kapital.
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Hmmm: If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day weekend.
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember turning a knob to change the station on your car radio.
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Quote: I don’t want to be alone. I want to be left alone.”—Kate Hepburn. Boy, can I relate.
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Rant: The Institute for Energy Research used the Energy Department data to calculate a subsidy per unit of electricity produced. For every tax dollar that goes to coal, oil and natural gas, wind gets $88 and solar $1,212.
After all the hype and dollars, in 2010 wind and solar combined for 2.3% of electric generation—2.3% for wind and 0% and a rounding error for solar. Renewables contributed 10.3% overall, though 6.2% is hydro. Some "investment."
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Rim shot: Old grammarians never die…they just parse away.
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Truism: Make three correct, consecutive guesses and you will establish a reputation as an expert.
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Rave: Even though the pace is a bit slow for my taste, I do enjoy “Hell on Wheels.” Just the fact that it is a western puts a bunch of points on the board.
There is not a character on the show who cannot be loved, hated, rooted for, rooted against or all at once. In the violent world of the old west, I feel certain most of those rugged individuals blurred the line between good and evil many times a day.
The cast is excellent at bringing those conflicting traits to life.
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Another great opening paragraph: “Paul Osborn sat alone among the smoky bustle of the after-work crowd, staring into a glass of red wine. He was tired and hurt and confused. For no particular reason he looked up. When he did, his breath left him with a jolt. Across the room sat the man who murdered his father.”---“The Day After Tomorrow” by Alan Folsom. Easily one of best books I have read.
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember when doctors made house calls.
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Hmmm: Apart from the known and the unknown, what else is there?
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Truism: The shortest pencil is more reliable than the longest memory.
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Numbers game: Norman Rockwell created 322 covers for The Saturday Evening Post.
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Pop Quiz: Who would be a better steward of your tax dollars?
Door number 1) Mitt Romney, who, while at Bain Capital invested private money into such successful enterprises as: AMC Entertainment, Burger King, Domino’s Pizza, Dunkin’ Donuts, Toys “R” Us and Staples.
Door number 2) obama, who squandered your tax dollars on these green companies---Solyndra, Ener 1, Beacon Power, Abound Solar, Spectra Watt and Eastern Energy. These companies have a couple of things in common; they are all bankrupt and they were all generous contributors to obama’s election campaign.
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Rave: Lena Horne just knocks me out.
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A final truism: Secrecy is the enemy of efficiency, but don’t tell anyone.
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Hmmm: Cheating at solitaire---a victimless and, may I add, pointless crime.
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Rant: Restrooms with blower-type hand dryers and zero paper towels.
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One Final Thought: It is so much easier to piss people off than please them.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Curmudgeon in the Wry 530


Friday, August 10, 2012---686 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 36 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.         
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Why waste your time anywhere else.
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Rave: June Christy.
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On the Hi Fi: “Back from Rio” by Roger McGuinn.
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Under rated: John Ireland.
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember licking stamps.
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Quote: “I notice that everybody who is Pro-Abortion already has been born”-- Ronald Reagan.
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Truism: The best time to start a mass transit system is 150 years ago.
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A Dose of Real Life: For those of you scoring at home: Exxon made seven cents per gallon of gas in 2011. Federal, state and local governments siphoned off a minimum of 50 cents in taxes.
Starbucks makes more on each Grande Latte.
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Rave: “The Asphalt Jungle,” starring Sterling Hayden holds up remarkably well. It is always entertaining, and one of Holly wood’s better caper flicks…sort of caper-noir.
Hayden starred in another engaging caper that goes under the radar---1956’s The Killing.” It had a terrific supporting cast featuring the wonderful Marie Windsor and the understated brilliance of Elisha Cook Jr.
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Department of Redundancy Department: Same exact, foreign import, round in shape, unexpected emergency, UPC Code, SAT Test, revert back. 
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Another Quote: “Ever notice that ‘what the hell’ is always the right decision?” -- Marilyn Monroe.
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember Dynaflow.
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Call me cynical: I think it is rather dubious that a badminton shuttlecock can travel up to 200 miles per hour…not unless it is attached to an archer’s arrow. Sorry NBC!
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Hmmm: When reading a book you really like, the phrase, “Can’t put it down,” also means, “Try to make it last.”
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Rave: Ross Thomas wrote 25 wonderful novels in a 29-year span. His milieu could be classified as “political thrillers” in the broadest sense. In the main they had the cold war as their backdrop. His novels were witty, smart, original, suspenseful and engrossing.
He wrote his first novel at age forty. He knocked out “The Cold War Swap” in six weeks, and it won the Edgar for Best First Novel.
If you have yet to discover him, I heartily suggest starting with either “Chinaman’s Chance” or “The Fools in Town Are on Our Side.”
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You Know You’re Old: If you ever looked something up in a card catalog.
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Yet Another Quote: “Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they’re insured, but not prove they’re entitled to vote in our elections.”—Ben Stein.
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Rave: Tomorrow (8/11/12) at 4 PM the USA’s Women’s Basketball team plays France for the gold medal…on NBC and www.nbcoympics.com.
This game is worth watching just to see the USA’s Diana Taurasi (#12). If there is a fiercer competitor, more ready for prime time player, more inspiring leader or player possessing more tools than D, I do not know who it is. She is amped way before pregame…and playing for her college coach has motivated her to the nth degree. She’s leading the team with 12.9 ppg, averaging 23 minutes per game.
Years ago The New Yorker did a profile piece on UConn Women’s Coach Geno Auriemma. In their inimitable liberal, snarky way they asked him what made him such a great coach. He answered, “I have number three (Diana’s UConn number) and they don’t.”
Angel McCoughtry (#8) off the bench is as potent a sixth player as any I have seen. She, too, is worth the price of admission…11.4 ppg in 15 minutes.
This is Must See TV.
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember when the clock in your car was correct twice a day.
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One Final Thought: Big time props to Orioles manager Buck Showalter. The Birds are in the hunt for a wild card berth…in spite of leading the majors in errors, having a pedestrian team ERA and they have given up more runs than they have scored.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.