Thursday, July 31, 2014

Curmudgeon in the Wry 564

Thursday, July 31, 2014---948 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 56 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Completely biased.
Don’t forget to floss.
Low carb.
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Rave: Gutfeld and McGuirk.
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Reading: “The Day After Tomorrow”—Allan Folsom.
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On the Hi Fi: “Whatcha Know Joe” by The Pied Pipers.
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Under rated: George Macready
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Truism: Action ends all doubt.
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Hmmm: Was John the only one who thought Yoko could sing?
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TV Timeout: I am a big fan of the look and feel of “Covert Affairs” when the episodes are filmed on location. Also a fan of McQuaid…but completely worn out by Calder Michaels and his story arc…write him out of the script already!
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Rant: Are you exhausted by the over-televised Red Sox/Yankee rivalry yet?
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Bad Medicine: “The obama administration is harmless as an enemy, treacherous as a friend.”—Bernard Lewis.
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Ready or not: Resisting temptation is a full time job.
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Quote: “Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you are not efficient.”---James O. Born.
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TV Timeout II: I wish “Halt and Catch Fire” would give some more screen time to Yo-Yo. Sunday is the season one finale.
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Flashback: While pitching every four days in 1965 and ’66, Sandy Koufax completed 54 of 84 starts…from 1961-1966 his record was 129-47. Today we have wimps on the mound and games that drag past the 3 ½ hour mark…  boring, tedious and tiresome come to mind.
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Quote: When asked if he would be watching the All-Star Game, Anthony Rendon of the Washington Nats replied, “I don’t watch baseball. It’s too long and boring.”
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Full Disclosure: I enjoy baseball best on the radio…on the car radio, c’est si bon.
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Factoid: The tattoo removal industry is up 400% in the past decade.
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TV Timeout III: Monday’s episode is the wrap up of Longmire for this season…many too many questions to be answered in a single show. Easily Longmire’s best season.
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Hmmm: When was the last time you asked someone for his fax number?
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Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot: Do we really have to go through a woman and then a gay president before we just get to elect the best person for the job?
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Bottom Line: The three new lies…Just kidding; I don’t know; It’s OK.
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Quote: When the going gets tough, obama goes golfing.”---Burt Prelutsky.
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TV Timeout IV: Saturday night “Hell On Wheels” returns to AMC. Hope they pick of the pace and move the story along a bit faster.
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Truism: Vengeance has patience.
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Quote: “I don’t need any more time, what I need is a deadline.”—Duke Ellington.
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Idle thought: Men always listen to what the women they want have to say.
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Waddayouthink?: Do women love buying shoes much more than they enjoy wearing them?
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Full disclosure: I always promised myself I wouldn’t become a cantankerous old white guy who hates the government, but as time passes, that lifestyle choice just makes sense.
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TV Timeout V: After last night’s “Suits,” it looks like the old Harvey’s back. Lotsa plot possibilities for remainder of season with Mike back at the law firm. The sooner the firm parts ways with Jeff Malone, the better I’ll like it.
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Quote: People should speak only if in doing so they improve upon the silence.”—George Will.
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True or false: When media apologists like Juan Williams and Rachel Maddow tell us how wonderful obamacare is, don’t you want to know whether they signed up for platinum, gold or silver plan?
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My word: The three hardest things to say…I’m sorry; I love you; I miss you.
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Rave: I have convinced myself that M&M Almonds contain all seven major food groups.
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TV Timeout VI: Angela Rizzoli could wear the balls off a pool table…another character whose deletion would be addition by subtraction.
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Hmmm: Can hotels on islands offer continental breakfasts?
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Good advice: Always avoid single ply toilet paper.
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Just wondering: So, has the Segway revolutionized anything yet?
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Marketing 101: What is it that makes business owners think that having a person wearing a bunny suit waving at me will make me pull in and buy a car or rent an apartment?
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Rant: People who crack their gum should not be allowed out in public.
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Rave: Neighbors never just drop by on one another any more…thank goodness.
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Truism: There is nothing more complicated than a hotel alarm clock.
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Factoid: Henry Ford invented the charcoal briquette.
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Rant: If we can put a man on the moon and send messages around the world in nanoseconds, surely restaurants can figure out how to give separate checks.
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Picture this: The Catholics invented birth control…only they call it confession.
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Show of Hands: Aren’t you glad that football and baseball did not go metric?
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Idle thought: Every time I see "The Asphalt Jungle," the better it gets. Same with "The Postman Always Rings Twice"
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TV Timeout VII: “Major Crimes” had another grade A episode. Rusty is a pretty damn good character, but the show is better when his is a supporting storyline.
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Final Thought: “obama’s foreign policy has been a success; we are now a foreign country.”—Burt Prelutsky.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.

As you were

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Curmudgeon in the Wry 563

Thursday, July 24, 2014---975 Words---Average Reading Time: 3 Minutes, 66 Seconds. 
(A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.

Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Completely biased.
Don’t forget to floss.
Low carb.
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Rave: Lee Marvin.
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Reading: “Scratch One” by Michael Crichton.
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On the Hi Fi: “Solitude”—Cleo Laine with The Duke Ellington Orchestra.
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Under rated: Chester Morris.
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In Passing: James Garner gave me uncounted hours of joy watching his TV shows and movies.
My Top 5: The Great Escape, Duel at Diablo, Hour of the Gun, Marlowe, Murphy's Romance.
TCM will roll 24 hours of his movies next Monday (7/28).
Here's a link to TCM Remembers James Garner:
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Bottom Line: No sport is as pointless as soccer…both literally and figuratively.
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Easy Peazy: Technology is only now---art is forever.
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Hmmm: What percent of profiling do you suppose has prevented crime? My guess is over 95%.
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TV Timeout: I like the “Rizzoli & Isles” ensemble…with the notable exception of Rizzoli’s mother Angela…possibly TV’s most annoying character.
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Truism: A deadline always speeds up the problem solving.
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Quote”: Poor people have been voting for democrats for 50 years and they are still poor.”—Charles Barkley.
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Picture this: Chris Berman is the reason the mute button exists.
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Remember when: The reason to go to school was not to score well on a standard test…but to actually learn something.
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TV Timeout II: “Royal Pains” always has lots of great teamwork and partnerships…brother Evan is a highlight.
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Bottom line: Where you went to high school is your hometown…not where you were born.
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Caution: Adam Sandler movies will make children stupid.
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Pop Quiz: When was the last time presbo said that either Christianity or Judaism was a religion of peace? Don’t look for an answer…it’s a trick question.
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Rave: I wish TV showed more reruns of “The Closer.”
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TV Timeout III: Thought last Monday’s episode of “Major Crimes” was their best ever. Helicopters, elderly felines, helmet cams, car wrecks, building evacs, four new characters, several shooting artfully handled.
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That’s a shame: Eighty-one-year-old actor Robert Vaughn, who starred in the 1964-1968 NBC-TV series “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.,“ told fans during an appearance at the Dean Martin Expo in New York that he was never approached about doing a cameo in director Guy Ritchie’s forthcoming Man from U.N.C.L.E. feature film. When Vaughn was asked what sort of cameo appearance he’d have liked to do, he joked, “I would have wanted to be the guy pressing the clothes.”
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Rant: Hasn’t the expiration date for the ceremonial first pitch come and gone? It’s been played out.
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Hmmm: Now that all the dust has settled, I’m pretty sure our parents were correct about rock-and-roll.
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Idle thought: Who the Hell took down Bill Clinton’s sign in the Oval Office that read, “It’s the economy stupid?”
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TV Timeout IV: In “Covert Affairs,” Calder’s hooker girl friend is one huge yawn.
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Sign of the times: For the first time in more than a century, no American made the quarterfinals at Wimbledon.
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Truism: A tattoo is the permanent record of momentary insanity.
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Idle thought: Most Americans cannot locate Ukraine on a map, but I am sure they could if there was a show called “Kourtney and Khloe Take Crimea” it wouldn’t be so baffling.
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Quote: “The way obama is slashing military defense, Putin might be better served to take over New York City instead of Ukraine. In fact, if Putin displaced de Blasio, it would result in less communist control of the city.”—Tom Halleck.
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Hmmm: The Bronx Bombers? When was that exactly?
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TV Timeout V: “Suits” is much darker this season…too dark for my taste. Jeff Malone is a real snooze…Logan Sanders is a bore as the big baddie. On the other hand, Charles Forstman and Sean Cahill are spectacular.
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True or False: Most of the younger generation has never heard a dial tone…let alone a dial-up modem.
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My word: How come you never hear Asians whine and complain or demand special privileges as all the other minorities do? They are inspirational.
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Whisky-Tango-Foxtrot: It takes the NBA seven months to play with same intensity that college teams play with from day one.
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This and That: A broken clock is right twice daily…even if it is a cuckoo.
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Quote: “When you consider the cowardice and intolerance displayed by one college after another as they take turns denying notable conservatives the opportunity to deliver commencement addresses and collect honorary degrees, you come to better understand why a four-year degree is called a B.S.”---Burt Prelutsky.
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Truism: The most helpful people in the world are even more helpful if they can make a few bucks while helping you.
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TV Timeout VI: Donna Clark is easily the stand out character in “Halt and Catch Fire.”
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Your serve: It is not the talent you have…it’s the talent you use.
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Rant: Have you ever noticed that when you call your cable provider, phone company or Dell that the person you are speaking to should be named Ali Baba, rather than Bruce as they claim.
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Final TV Timeout: “Longmire” is having its finest season. Victoria Moretti (played by Katee Sackhoff) is stealing the show this season.
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Final Thought: Quite often I think that this is an era when sanity has become controversial.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.

As you were