Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Curmudgeon in the Wry 572

Wednesday, April 15, 2015---952 Words---Average Reading Time: 3 Minutes, 11 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Once you put it down, it is quite easy not to pick it up again.
Viewer Discretion Advised.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Completely biased.
Don’t forget to floss.
Low carb.
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Rave: “Justified.”
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Reading: “I Am Pilgrim” by Terry Hayes. Incredible debut novel.
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On the Hi Fi: Asleep at the Wheel’s “Still the King: Celebrating the Music of Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys”—Every track a delight.
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Under rated: Doris Day.
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Idle thought: More and more I find myself in the “get off my lawn” mode.
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Quote: “Every day Joe Biden says something that would end my career if I said it.”—Marco Rubio.
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Instant analysis: Ted Baxter has more credibility than Brian Williams.
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Hmmm: If an event was not hashtagged, did it actually happen?
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Truism: Winter passes much too quickly in Florida.
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Bottom Line: There is nothing fine waiting for you in the fine print.
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Hmmm: Are you willing to die for politically correct reasons?
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Low expectations: Wondering what Alex Rodriguez might do this season, keep in mind this moron has not topped 65 RBIs or 20 home runs since 2010. Is there anything he can say at this juncture that anyone really wants to hear?
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Full disclosure: I am never more creative than when I am making up reasons to procrastinate.
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Tough Call: Who do you feel are the worst…the people behind the counter at the DMV or the Post Office?
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Idle thought: My old pal Aristotle once said that it really doesn’t matter what you perceive the truth to be, if it’s not the truth.
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Quote: “obama is a man who always keeps his wits about him; namely, dimwits, nitwits and halfwits.”—Burt Prelutsky.
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TV Timeout: Using the snack vending machine as the entrance the subway station hideout for Person of Interest crew is wryly reminiscent of the dry cleaner in The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
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Great expectations: Can we all agree that it’s about time to call “Johnny Football”…”Johnny No More Football?”
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Wisdom worth remembering: If the Super Bowl is the ultimate game, how come they’re playing it again next year?
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Go figure: Ever wonder why the Republicans are such huge supporters of Israel, even though the Jews in the USA don’t vote for them?
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Bad TV: Someday we are all going to look back at the Kardashians…and feel silly for even knowing their names.
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Truism: The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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Nobody move: He who hesitates is probably right.
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Another truism: I know a lot about very little…very little about a lot.
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Food for thought: The fact that “Fifty Shades of Grey” remains in theaters after so many other movies have come and gone is a comment on something---although I am not really too sure what.
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Ssshhh: If you don’t have anything nice to say, you are probably being realistic.
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TV Timeout II: The final episode of “Justified” was simply outstanding. The final line, “We dug coal together” was brilliant. I will certainly miss that show.
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True or false: There are fewer muslim sympathizers in Fallujah than in Washington?
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Quote: “One thing I’ve learned, people only want you to be honest if you agree with them.”—Charles Barkley.
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Full disclosure: I have a number of fantasies, but none of them include football.
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Bad Medicine: Storming the court is dangerous and stupid whenever it happens.
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Factoid: “The French Connection” was the first R-rated film to win the Oscar for best picture.
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TV Timeout III: “Justified,” “Covert Affairs” and “White Collar” have broadcast their series final episode. My comment---Damn, they are over already?”
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Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot: Isn’t it strange how all the other companies that are in the same business as the Post Office (FedEx, UPS, etc.) do quite well where the Post Office continues to lose millions?
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Hmmm: Do you suppose that people living in Cuba realize they’re driving classic cars.
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Random thought: If you have to use a funny voice to make something funny, it’s not funny.
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Truism: You eventually become whom you act like.
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Fun fact: “Goldfinger” was the first Bond flick where 007 ordered a martini, “shaken, not stirred.” Also the first to have him driving an extensively modified Aston Martin DB5; the first to feature a memorable henchman (Oddjob); and the first to showcase a suggestively named femme fatale (Pussy Galore). The first introduced with a theme song as well.
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Stop the presses: The liberal media has a very simple mantra---if the facts don’t fit the fable, print the fable.
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Earth to Joe Buck: Not every football play is the immaculate reception, nor is every hit in baseball the shot heard ‘round the world. Dial the hype back a few thousand degrees.
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Quote: “Elizabeth Warren is equally loony in her politics, but she carries a lot less baggage than Hillary, who, by this time, carries more than a team of red caps.”—Burt Prelutsky.
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Bad medicine: Nothing stays deleted for long…especially on “Person of Interest.”
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Final Thought: Rex Ryan is a better lounge act than football coach.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.
As you were