Monday, July 06, 2015

Curmudgeon in the Wry 574

Monday, July 06, 2015---969 Words---Average Reading Time: 3 Minutes, 11 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Once you put it down, it is quite easy not to pick it up again.
Viewer Discretion Advised.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Completely biased.
Don’t forget to floss.
Low carb.
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Rave: Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke, a great American.
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Reading: “Water for Angels” by Les Standiford.
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On the Hi Fi: Toni Tennille “Sings Big Band.”
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Under rated: Jo Stafford
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Quote: “The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.”—Lenny Bruce.
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Didjaknow: Eddie Arcaro is the only jockey to be aboard two Triple Crown winners…Whirlaway in 1941 and Citation in 1948.
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TV Time Out: The three highest numbers on “The Blacklist” are #7 Tom Keen, #8 Berlin and #11 AG Tom Connolly. Who is going to be #1?
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Fielder’s Choice: With all the shifts being employed in baseball, 4-to-3 and 6-to-3 don’t always mean what they once did.
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Bottom Line: According to the American Customer Satisfaction Index Restaurant Report 2015, Chick-fil-A, Chipotle and Panera rank highest in customer satisfaction in the fast food restaurant category.
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Straight Talk: Every time Hitlery breaks into her fake southern accent I wonder if she is continuing her long-running audition for Queenie in a dinner theater production of “Show Boat.”
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Net Results: Tennis players look so much better in Wimbledon White. You would think they could see it, and dress that way for all tournament…at least the majors.
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Net Results II: My favorite camera shot is ground level, behind the player receiving serve. It shows you just how incredibly difficult the return of service is.
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Net Results III: While watching Roger Federer play…the word elegant comes to mind. Same way I always thought Fred Lynn was baseball’s most graceful player.
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Quote: Speaking to some Massachusetts school kids, comes this gem from Whitey Bulger, “If you want to make crime pay---go to law school.”
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Hurry Up: Why on earth should a 48-minute NBA playoff game take nearly three hours to play?
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Go Figure: Bette Davis and Kate Hepburn never did a picture together. On the other hand, Peter Lorre and Sydney Greenstreet had eight screen collaborations.
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Great Expectations: Most doctors didn’t graduate at the top of their class…same with your lawyer.
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Quote: “Life is one long process of getting tired.” ~Samuel Butler
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Bad TV: In 50 something years we have gone from “Ozzie and Harriet” to “Keeping Up with the Kardasians,” and that’s probably all we need to know.
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Hmmm: Is a comedian nothing more than a person who remembers jokes?
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Numbers game: In 1949, Ted Williams reached base safely in 84 straight games.
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Time Marches On: The NFL will get an LA franchise some time around the twelfth of never.
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TV Time Out II: Great to see that “Halt and Catch Fire” brought John Bosworth back from his prison sentence. Great scene when Cameron picked him up as he exited the pen.
The show has picked up pace considerably…hope AMC does the same to “Hell on Wheels” when it returns.
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Reality Check: There is nothing about collecting phone numbers and length of calls that infringes on anybody’s freedom…otherwise the phone company would be unable to send anyone a monthly bill.
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Quote: "Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.”---Anon.
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Truism: Inspiration is only inspiring to those who wish to be inspired.
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Stay Tuned: There are just tempos for music…it is up or it isn’t.
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Hmmm: When Hillary gets in the White House, will Bill become the First Laddy?
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Quote: “The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.” Michelangelo Buonarroti.
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Food for thought: Race hustler Al Sharpton knows everything there is to know about extortion, except how to pronounce the word or spell it.
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Straight talk: Just because it may be politically incorrect to use certain words to describe a group or a person doesn’t make them untrue.
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Wondering: Do we forget about peanut butter when we get older, or do we get older when we forget about peanut butter?
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Bumper Sticker of the Month: Honk if you love Jesus, text if you wish to meet Him.
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Instant Analysis: Sunni or Shia…a difference without a distinction. A malignancy in our midst.
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Quote: “Who could have less to do with Bill Clinton’s sex life than Hillary?”—Bill Maher
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Guilty Pleasure: I am happy to report that Tiger Woods has fallen out of the top 150 in World Golf Rankings.
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Fun Fact: One of the most liberating things in life is to realize you really don’t have to pay attention to anything Lady Gaga does.
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Flashback: This year’s Newport Folk Festival will celebrate the 50th anniversary of Bob Dylan going electric for the first time.
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Bad TV: The Direct Cable TV ads featuring “Hannah and ne horse” are even worse than their ads starring Rob Lowe and his alter ego.
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Quote: “Improvising is wonderful. But, the thing is that you cannot improvise unless you know exactly what you're doing.”--Christopher Walken.
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Final Thought: Most times the simplest solution is the best.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.

As you were