Tuesday, October 04, 2016

Curmudgeon in the Wry 588

Tuesday, October 04, 2016---673 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 11
Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Back by the demand of virtually no one.
Once you put it down, it is quite easy not to pick it up again.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Viewer Indiscretion Is Advised.
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Rave: Lou Dobbs.
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Reading: “Night Prey” by John Sandford.
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On the Hi Fi: Houston Person’s “Sentimental Journey.”
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Under Rated: Rob Lowe.
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Quote: “ There's nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.” -- Peter F. Drucker.
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Let This Sink In: The NCAA plays games in Cuba and China. However, they refuse to play games in North Carolina because of “human rights violations.”
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Show of Hands: Anyone ever seen a “water-saving” toilet you did not have to flush at least twice?
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This & That: Some stereotyping is well deserved.
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Father & Son: Calvin Hill (NFL. 1969) and Grant Hill (NBA, 1995) were Rookies of the Year in their respective sports.
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IQ Test: I have this theory that a guy’s intelligence can be determined by how far around his head the bill on his baseball cap is turned. Backwards is a complete ass, unless he is a catcher or a sniper.
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Quote: “Americans love to say they think outside the box. Trump lives outside the box. Hillary is the box.”—Peggy Noonan.
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As Time Goes By: When the Howard Johnson’s in Bangor, Maine closed on September sixth…only one HoJo’s remained, located in Lake George, NY.
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Sorting It Out: The only difference between a cynic and a realist is whether or not you agree with him.
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Doesn’t Add Up: How do college athletes afford all those hair extensions.
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Common Sense: Ketchup on a hot dog is never permissible.
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Department of Redundancy Department: Mix together, same exact, brief summary, IRA Account, final ending, soaking wet, frozen solid.
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Common senselessness: With the epidemic spread of shameful player behavior in the National Felony League, it is time for a personal fouls fantasy league. If you draft Odell Beckham, Antonio Brown and Pacman Jones, you’ll be the favorite.
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Idle Thought: Non-treats include undercooked spaghetti, cold stethoscopes, unseen potholes, beanbag chairs, and wax fruit centerpieces.
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Numbers Game: David Ortiz just passed Mickey Mantle for #17 on the all time home run list.
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Sorting It Out: After David Ortiz passed Mickey Mantle on the career home run list; it occurred to me what a physical wonder The Mick must have been to hit so many homers while using PDDs---Performance Deenhancing Drugs {such as alcohol). Now…that’s old school slugging.
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Raise Your Hand: If you ever knowingly paid more in taxes than you had to.
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Captain Obvious: Life becomes far less complicated when you realize that no decision is a decision.
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Pop Quiz: 1) Do you have an accountant? If you answered yes, go to question 2.
2) How often have you asked him to ignore deductions and losses?
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Weekly Briefing: Not even Tom Selleck can convince me that a reverse mortgage is a good deal.
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Not So Fast: Ever wonder why magazine companies send out renewal notices about nine months before your subscription expires.
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True or False: Dick Tracy only goes after deformed criminals.
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The Band Played On: Colleagues honor, but cannot match Vin Scully. These boobs line up to honor Scully, but few are anything like him. Seems radio and TV execs prefer to hire screamers packing self-promotional gimmicks.
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Final Thought: Surrounding yourself with people smarter than you makes you the smartest person in the room. 
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.

As you were