Friday, February 24, 2017

Curmudgeon in the Wry 591

Friday, February 24, 2017--- 887 Words---Average Reading Time: 3 Minutes, 2 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Back by the demand of virtually no one.
Once you put it down, it is quite easy not to pick it up again.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Viewer Indiscretion Is Advised.
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Rave: Ivanka.
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Reading: “One Strange Date” by Laurence Shames. Volume 12 in the Key West Capers series…I have read them all.
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On the Hi Fi:  “Time Out” by Dave Brubeck.
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Under Rated: Virginia Mayo.
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Just Between Us: I miss Al Capp.
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Quote: From former Providence Journal Columnist Gerry Goldstein on soccer, “If I want to watch a bunch of guys go 90 minutes without scoring, I’ll take some of my male friends to a singles bar.”
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No Surprise Here: Tiger Woods often withdraws when he is behind in a tournament, but never when ahead or in the hunt. He is such a putz.
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TV Time Out: Check out any of The Dick Van Dyke shows on You Tube, and tell me Laura Petrie isn’t more appealing than any female character on the tube today.
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For What It’s Worth: Father Time remains the greatest teacher.
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The Old College Try: In addition to the game on the court, other things I love about college basketball include: coaches wearing ties with school colors, crowd shots of moms and dads cheering and senior nights.
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You Know You’re Old: If you can remember when a radio station had a large enough air staff to field a softball team. Today, I doubt they could do that with the entire station.
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Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program: I never knew who the Johnny Carson or Walter Cronkite types voted for, but I sure do today. It is not a plus.
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Food For Thought: I want to eat whatever Tom Brady eats.
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Quote: “Never assume the obvious is true.”—William Safire.
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Common Senselessness: When celebrities start to bore you, why do you blame yourself?
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Net Results: Roger Federer certainly has nothing more to prove. A classy champion. He never left!
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The Band Played On: The Super Bowl half time show has replaced Up with People with Down with Pants.
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100-0 and Counting: If the NCAA kept a stat for laughers, the UConn women would own that one as well.
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Occupational Hazard: The latest batch of Dos Equis ads do not have the same pop. The original Most Interesting Man in the World cannot be replaced.
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Numbers Game: The TV ratings for this year’s Pro Bowl were down for yet another year. That shows the good sense of the USA TV audience.
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Spelling Bee: There is no “we” in fries.
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Hmmm: When was the last time your bank did something good for you?
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Ahead of the Curve: How come the Asians in the USA do not need any help? Any visit to a college campus will answer the question. While others are whining, protesting and acting like asses, the Asian students are studying…while majoring in substantive disciplines.
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Full Disclosure: I can still fit into the socks I wore in college.
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Rant: A report says that, 180 million years from now, the pull of the moon’s gravity will make days on Earth 25 hours long.
And MLB games will be 6½ hours long.
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This spells trouble: The Australian Open featured a match between Anastasia Sergeyevna Pavlyuchenkova and Natalia Konstantinovna Vikhlyantseva. That’s a mouthful!
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Quote: Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after ex-NBA player Stephen Jackson said he sometimes smoked pot before games: “Which was evident in his career game stats, where he averaged 15.1 points, 3.9 rebounds, 3.1 assists and 4.7 pizzas.”
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End of an Era: Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey circus closes after 146 years.
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If You Are Scoring At Home: Just two athletes have played in both a Final Four and a World Series…Tim Stoddard with NCSU and the Baltimore Orioles and Kenny Lofton with the University of Arizona and the Cleveland Indians.
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For the Record: The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.
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Quote: “The journey of a thousand miles begins by going through a metal detector at the airport.”-- Bernie Lincicome.
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Beat Goes On: Beretta is the oldest manufacturing company in the world. I have owned a Beretta 950 for over 25 years…a .25 calibre pocket pistol that is easy to conceal.
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A group of former cheerleaders has filed a proposed class-action lawsuit against the NFL and 26 teams, alleging that management actively conspired to underpay them and keep them from negotiating better salaries.
The plaintiffs are reportedly seeking somewhere between two bits/four bits/six bits and 300 million dollars.
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Final Thought: Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.

As you were.