Friday, July 14, 2017

Curmudgeon in the Wry 595

Friday, July 14, 2017--- 972 Words---Average Reading Time: 3 Minutes, 15 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
No French Fry Left Behind.
Free shipping and handling.
Back by the demand of virtually no one.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001. 
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas.  
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Viewer Indiscretion Is Advised.
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Rave: Alfred Hitchcock.
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Reading: Robert B. Parker’s second Spenser novel, “God Save the Child” (1974).
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On the Hi Fi: “The Very Best of The Manhattan Transfer.” 
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Under Rated: William Bendix.
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Quote: “ Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.” -- Lillian Hellman.
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First Serve: For my money, Wimbledon is the ultimate tennis tournament. I think the players should wear white in all tournaments.
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TV Time Out: Tennis has the finest team of announcers and commentators. They are so excellent, even MSESPN cannot screw them up. John McEnroe and Chris Evert are my particular favorites.
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TV Time Out II: My favorite camera angle is the ground level from behind the player receiving serve. Makes you wonder how any first serve is returned.
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Bottom Line: The $2.8 million check for the men’s and women’s singles champs is double what it was in 2011. 
In 1980, the champion, Bjorn Borg took home $25,000.00.
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Just my type: The exclamation point didn't become a standard key on the keyboard until 1970.
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United Airlines is about to unveil the world’s longest flight, 8,700 miles from L.A. to Singapore — nearly 18 hours.
To help pass all that airtime, the in-flight movie will be replays of three Yankees-Red Sox games.
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Hmmm: Am I the only one who finds it a bit odd that the College World Series does not end until six weeks after the schools let out for the summer?
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It’s a Fact, Jack: A spotted animal can have a striped tail, but a striped animal can never have a spotted tail.
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Shocking: Benjamin Harrison was elected president in 1888, and was the first U.S. president to have electricity in the White House . . . but he never touched the light switches because he was afraid of getting electrocuted.
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Plus Shipping and Handling: The only advice worth listening to is the advice you ask for.
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Pretty Woman: There are more beautiful women in the world than there are decent men.  
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Word Games: There was a real man named Boycott who became a verb (and noun) in English (and other languages.
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Just Between Us: No man ever dreams about becoming the financial solution for a woman.
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Useless Magpies: Why do the MSESPN announcers think that they know more about the game than the players on the field? Especially true for the vile Sunday Night Baseball troika. 
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Bad TV: I do not need to be told the launch angle of a home run to enjoy the sight of a ball reaching the bleachers.
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Spelling Bee: The plural of vinyl is vinyl. 
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Brilliant Quote: From the Wall Street Journal’s Jason Gay, “Aging is undefeated. It gets everyone, even legends.”
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No Such Thing As A Free Lunch: “Like the saying goes, if you're not paying for the product, you are the product.”---Bob Hoffman, The Ad Contrarian.
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Leemans' Law: “Junk expands to fill the space allotted.”-- Ron Leemans
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Humble Beginnings: The first-ever comic book convention was in New York in 1964.  And the very first person to buy a ticket was . . . 15-year-old George R.R. Martin, the author of the "Game of Thrones" books.
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The Archetypal Little League Parent: Lonzo Ball’s father, LaVar Ball. It’s no contest.
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Time Is of the Essence: Four-hour baseball game? Really? If you went to a four-hour movie, you would wind up throwing things at the screen.
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Reality Check: How many passwords is someone supposed to have in one lifetime?
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The Name of the Game: Bluetooth is named after a 10th century Scandinavian king, Harald Bluetooth.  He united Danish tribes into one kingdom.  When Bluetooth technology was invented, they picked the name because it unified the way machines communicated.
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And the Band Played On: I miss those summer days when I could actually find a song on the radio I wanted to listen to.
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Common senselessness: Most of what MSESPN scrolls as pertinent info remains junk you would not repeat unless you wanted to be elected Village Idiot.
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Time Flies: So tell me Mr. and Mrs. Baseball Fan, what should we be doing with all that time being freed up for us by MLB’s automatic intentional walk rule?
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Number Please: There are 12 U.S. states that only have one area code:  Alaska, Delaware, Hawaii, Idaho, Maine, Montana, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Vermont, and Wyoming.
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Looking Ahead: This week, the father of a player who will be on the next Rays’ championship team will be born.
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Quote: “Talent sets the floor.”—Bill Belichick.
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New Coke Stupid: Kanye West and the Kardashians deserve each other.
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Picture This: There were such low expectations for "Star Wars" that it was only on 42 screens nationwide for its opening weekend.
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True or False: In a better baseball world there would be a limit on relief pitchers.
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Many Too Many: The MLB All Star Game roster are so large, the selection process has turned into the big-league equivalent of  a participation trophy.
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Final Thought: Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran. 
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.
As you were.